Zipping up 2012

I'm at the office...alone.

I'm sure there is no one in the building besides me and the security guards. I'm trying to sum up this year...and when I think about it, thank the Almighty, its been a good one.

I don't know if its just me, but it seems like New Year is on steroids or something. Maybe everyone is just glad they didn't die on the 21st of December. Hahahaha. 

I've learned a lot about myself. Some things I'd rather not know, but I'm glad I do. 

One of the things I've learned is that relationships is like The Equation. Some times the variables on their own, look good. You think they will work out, but once you put it in the equation, it just doesn't. No matter which way you try. And sometimes...the variables, look horrible. They are not going to work out, you know it. But then you put it in the equation and it works. I'm no longer looking for the variable that looks perfect. Now, I'm looking for the one that in an equation will work out. 

Another is that, I'm a deep thinker, a talker, a questioner. I have a deep desire to live life to the fullest. And even when I try to go with the flow, I don't. Cause I think that you have to LIVE life, not just exist.  But that doesn't fall in line with the greater scheme of things. And that's fine. I've come to accept my place in society. I'll pretend to be in charge, I'll talk, think, dream, wonder, know....and then realise that none of it is the way I thought it would be. And ultimately, I will be grateful for the fact that I am not in charge. 

But the most important lesson I've learned is the value of praying for something and then doing your utmost to make it happen. Until the sweat runs down your cheek, until you can't breath any more, until you feel like you have to stop, you go further than that and you find what you are looking for.

Considering that for Muslims, this is like the 3rd new years (the first new years is a spiritual one where your book of life is opened and what is destined for the next year will be written down, the second is the islamic new year and this the third) I take no stock in the importance of the date. Only a marker that says...last chance ;)  

So...Happy New Year to everyone...whether first or third...lets make the new years resolutions count. Mine is to banish Laziness to the wastelands. 

:) 

*sniff* Change. The world is rank with it.

I don’t know what it is, whether it’s the Mayan predication, or the fact that I’m changing jobs, but I feel change in the air.

Good or bad, only time will tell.  

I’m scared, because I don’t want the change to change who I am in a bad way. I’m all for good change. The bad change, you don’t see coming and it leaves you recovering for many years.  COD’s don’t deal well with change. We try and keep things as normal and stable as possible.

But can growth ever come from stable? Don’t think so.

So here we are, two days before the Mayan prediction. I don’t think the world is going to end, but I do think it’s going to change. I think it has been changing for several years now, but we use logic and science and past experiences as excuses. “This must have happened before, so its normal”. And we forget to take a moment and see what is happening around us and the speed at which it is happening.

And there is nothing that we can do to stop it. Or is it? Can a prophecy be delayed or prevented from happening? If it can’t than what is the point of the prophecy? But we learn from Angel, that whether we try and change the prophecy or not, it still comes true. So the lesson is???

To try anyway. We need to try and be as good and kind as we can be. We need to try and be better than what we are. Because after all, once we die our judgement day begins. That is the end of our world.  

I really wish the anxiety would go away though. Whatever is going to happen must just happen.  "I don't want to be in a battle. But waiting on the edge of one I can't escape is even worse".

And yes, I can relate just about anything to Lord of the Rings. 

Destiny

In the past 10 years an ‘awakening’ of some kind has occurred where people of all religions and backgrounds has become kind of obsessed with “destiny”. As well as the inevitable question...choice or destiny?

I’ve come to an understanding about destiny. It’s simple. It’s none of your business.

What matters are the choices we make, the people we are and who we affect. The grand master plan is not for us to understand. All we have to know is that there is a greater purpose for everything and we are just a small cog in a very big machine. But that doesn’t mean that anything we do, is done in isolation.

It is complex and complicated and it is not for us to understand. Just to know that something like this exists. The problem is, when you go through tough times, you sit and wonder ‘could I have changed it?’; ‘is this my destiny?’

“You are a man plagued by those two words...what if” (the time machine).

We hope, that by understanding destiny and choice that somehow we can out smart pain, loss, hurt. But it doesn’t work like that. The more we try and understand, the more confused we get because it is not for us to understand. Just to know.

Right now it feels like my whole life is in limbo. I’m frustrated by standing still. And even though I’m a little afraid of moving forward I want to. I try and push and move, but life just tells me “SIT STILL, don’t move, your time will come”. I know I should enjoy this time, but there is a nagging feeling, ‘am i missing something by standing still?’

But if you are not in control of your destiny, why do you think that by moving you can hurry it along?

Sometimes I’m such a know-it-all, that I want punch my own face.

*deep breath*

Let life happen....good or bad, all is as it should be. My job is to arrive prepared! 

Mirror Mirror on the wall, who is the fattest of them all....

In high school...I was a size 32/10. Not the end. The beginning. By the end, I was a size 34. And I thought I was fat.  I had an apostrophe when I read Saaleha’s blog. “Yet, today when I look at my high school pictures, I realise that I wasn’t really fat. I just wasn’t thin enough to blend in.” It was like lightning had struck my brain.

People young and old, for as long as I can remember would comment on my body. “You so thin”, “You have such a nice body” they would say. At a time in my life when I was so self conscious, my body and hormones were changing.  I was just coming to terms with the fact that I was now, a ‘Young lady’.

This made me feel horrible. I didn’t want to have a nice body. My five year old emotional brain thought - Because nice looking bodies were what tempted men.  And when you tempt men, you become a whore. And an old man would be tempted by my body, then break into my house, steal me and force me to get married to him. – Yes I believed this for much of my adolescence.

Not believed believed. It’s that inner voice, which controls your reality that really becomes your emotional brain, which sprouts all this shit to you. Even though people would tell me things about my body, which would seem like a compliment, my reality was very different. Every Muslim Indian girl that I knew all looked like 12 year old boys. And don’t get me started on the whole colour issue *covering eyes* I felt like a fat, “dark”, giant.

University was when I finally understood and liked the fact that I was a ‘young lady, and that I had a ‘nice body’.  I was active, practicing Karate 5 days a week, but I was still fat. I had a friend that was shorter than me, tiny, skinny and white. She became my antithesis. As well as the mould of the women I will forever loath (irrational but true). I used this duality as a starting point for my honours thesis.

Eventually I gave up karate, the one thing that made me feel good about myself. And guess what...I...got...Fat. Between then and now my body has been fluctuating between a size36 – 38. But the one constant thing is: I still feel fat.

I will never understand why people think that they have the right to comment on a woman’s body. It doesn’t matter what race, religion or political party you are, women’s bodies are always seen as a topic of discussion. Whether you’ve lost or gained weight, it’s the first thing people comment on. I think it’s absolutely rude. And any person, male or female, automatically looses my respect when they mention to me anything about my body. Doesn’t matter if it’s positive or negative.

I’ve realised something, a while back and I’ve been wanting to write about it for quit some time. I’m addicted to food. Chocolate in particular. If there is any change in my emotion. I want to eat. On a bad day, I eat until it’s all finished. Until my tongue is cut. And once, when I heard or rather saw (this is why stalking is haraam) that The Boy had a girlfriend he was all public about. I ate so much that I threw up. Twice.

I never throw up. Never. I can eat a whole dagwood, chocolate, coldrink and go on the anaconda rollercoaster and still be fine.  By the second time it happened, I knew why. I realised it. And it changed the way I looked at food. Food addiction is not something that you are born with. It can happen at any time. I’m not shy to say I’m addicted to it. But people don’t take me seriously, because when they see me, I’m over weight and not obese. So I’m dramatic, not an addict.

Instead of throwing myself into food after the Hulk, I threw myself into gym. I need to just loose myself into something. And it felt great. I haven’t felt this good physically in a long time. And I wondered, why is it that we can punish ourselves with things that are bad for us, but not with things that are good for us?

I want to lose weight. But Saaleha reminded me that sometimes you have to just enjoy who you are. Take one day at a time. And make the choice that is the healthiest for you. The truth is, if you want to lose weight, it requires consistency and dedication and it will take up to a year. So I’m eating healthier, not all the time and I’m exercising consistently and I feel good.

Because it doesn’t matter how much weight you lose, if you don’t change how your see yourself and how you feel about yourself. You won’t change anything. 

And so out of the ashes of a pansy hero, arouse a Knight!

I was never one for Batman. Of all the heroes for me he was a pansy. But Dark Knight Rises has cured me.

I have said this before...in some far off blog but out of all the story lines, to be able to take VERY fictional characters, and give them a real story and add and edge of fear to them, is by far one of the most creative things I've ever seen.

I love the re-telling of old stories that can actually make you like the characters more. But it helps that I wasn’t a big fan. I’m sure some serious die-hards had issues with it. It was pointed out to me only yesterday that Miranda is actually Poison Ivy. Hey...like I said I wasn’t such a big fan, so when I watched the movie, it was with new eyes.

I guess that is the key to actually enjoying the remakes, and comic-type movie versions. You have to watch it, as if you don’t know the characters.

When Michelle Pfeiffer played cat woman, I totally loved her.  I didn’t like all the meowing and licking though. And Halle Berry...I don’t even want to think about it. But my oh my...the work they did with Anne Hathaway...I’m stunned. Finally a female superhero character/cat woman that I can not only respect, but who’s fighting style I can actually admire. None of that wild, lioness type, licking purring stuff. The words I am looking for are lithe, light, sleek and oh so lady like but of the iron variety. Fighting sequences were not something that I would put on my best fighting scenes, but the fighting style *Big high five*.

And then there was Bane.  Who at this moment in time, I’m completely in love with.  It’s the humanising of the bad boy, I can’t help it. And that voice! I’ll take one of those with a removable mask thank you ;)

Robin. I was totally gob-smacked when I found out he was Robin! I didn’t think they would add that story line because I had read an article where the director said it was his last movie. So why end it like that? But it was awesome.

I’ve watched it 3 times so far. And it was totally worth it. 

Now I know...

6 Shades of T

      Okay, so I did it.

      

      I plunged into the world I said I never would.

I read 50 Shades of Grey. All of them. Now I'm part of the masses that are completely in love with Christian Grey.  *sigh*

Here is what I want the haters to understand. If you haven’t ever read a Mills and Boon or those rapture books etc. This book is NOT for you. You won’t understand in the context that the book was written in, or why it’s so graphic.

And it is graphic. Sometimes even disgusting. But I take it with a pinch of salt.

As an anthropologist it was very interesting to read. The whole S&M thing really is a culture and lifestyle that people (consenting adults) ascribe to. Hey, I don’t judge. And from what I understand this book is quite clean compared to some other things.

There are a few things that really struck me.

                  

                 1.       The Nature of the Relationship

One of the most fascinating things for me was the design of the S&M relationship. So picture this. You have a relationship that is based completely on trust. If you don’t trust that person with everything in you, you could die (literally). And the most amazing thing for me is the trust is returned. Because as partners you both read and signed a contract that stipulates things you will and will not do and you stick to it.  

Maybe it’s because I come from the world I come from that a relationship like that to me seems strange. I don’t trust anyone. And I asked myself, what would it be like to be able to trust someone like that? I think pretty darn great. Some might say that in a marriage you have that type of relationship, but I know many women who would disagree.

I have always had issues about power in a relationship. The fact that you have to “ask” someone else who is not your parent, can do you this or can you go there really grated my coconuts. But after I read this book, I got it. *light bulb moment*

The woman (sub) trusts the man (dom) so much that she gives him power over her comings and goings (tying up and what not’s). By allowing the man to make decisions ‘for’ you is in no way dis-empowering  Actually, it gives you more power. Because you can take away his power at any point in time (Saying the safe word).  And really, who has more power? The one yielding it? Or the one who can take it away? *raised eyebrow*

I really found no difference in the structure of the relationship (besides physical activities) between Christian Grey & Anastasia Steele and a Muslim Indian[1] couple from South Africa.[2]

           2.       Pain vs. Pleasure

When you exercise you release good hormones. What your body is actually doing is ripping apart the muscle and then growing it back again. And apparently, if your body didn't release all those hormones you would die of pain. 

There is also this research that found that the same part of the brain that gets stimulated when you love someone who doesn't love you back is the same part of the brain that gets stimulated when you take drugs.

So here you have this dichotomy. Whether you’re experiencing physical or emotional pain, you feel good about it. How many people allow them to be used, abused emotionally or physically, and hurt over and over again by those who apparently love them? Yet they stay.

So the idea that physical pain can feel good, I understand on a logical level.

                   3.       What I loved....

Christian Grey...arrives!  She needs him and he is there. Automatically *swoon* *sigh* *tear*.  And yes, I know its fiction, and he doesn't exist and no man is really like that. But what my dear male readers don’t realise is that that is the way to a woman’s heart...to try...to actually be there...to arrive when she needs you.

The money and good looks didn't hurt the situation either.

*Oh but when he wears the tie! Major Swoon*

                        

                     4.        Fundamentally....

This fad should tell you more about the readers, than the writer’s imagination:

No matter how independent a woman gets, she always needs someone. And all we want is to be loved and to be shown love.

No matter how perfect the man may seem ladies - he has issues. Always.  There is no running away from that. There is no perfect man. Just one that is perfect for you. And the sooner we actually realise practice this, the better.

                     5.       The Movie...

In Books, you can stretch the imagination, you say things that there is no possible way for that to happen, but in movies....that’s a whole different other story. The fact that they want to make this in a movie really boggles my mind. They really are taking this whole marketing to a different level. It will be interesting to see how they do it though. The speculation of who will play Mr. Grey is actually fun to watch. Here is my picks:  

I'd like to introduce you to Mr. No name. In movies with such hype its better to use unknown actors than known ones. Like Ryan Gosling? Hell No! 

 This is a Spanish actor - can't remember his name now...

  

But the Winner is (and exception) - Henry Cavill aka New Superman- I love him. *serious face* 

         6. What I didn't like

If anyone wanted to know what would have happened to Edward and Bella had he not been a vampire. This book is the answer. Why so many women are in love with this type of characters is beyond me. Because they are not realistic[1.1] especially the females, Edward more unrealistic than Grey, but even Grey pushes that boundary. And that is not even including the whole Vampire thing.

Morality is a fine line. And the more you push it, the more the meaning of it changes. This eventually changes people and then changes society. So every time you push the concept of what is disgusting or bad, you end up with a product that is worse than the previous. Making the previous no longer bad but ‘normal’. This book does that, and I don’t think people really understand the consequences of that.

This book is not suitable for teenagers. And the fact that mothers are encouraging their teenage daughters to read the books is really a sign of where we are as a society.  F*&@ up[1.2].  It’s normal to hide it away from parents - not flashing it around and publishing it on Facebook. *more disgusting than the book*

The use of the words[1.3] is what makes this book different to the other “mommy porn” books. They have been around for a very very long time, but the words they used were gentle... not in your face descriptions. My favourite is the books written in the 70-80’s they had very strong family values. And the words are not so crude. But their clothes were a whole different story. That is where I learned that if I didn't like what a character was wearing I would change it.

1 210 words later and what I really want you to know is that it’s just a love story.

Thought this was funny

[1] It is a special recipe of Muslim and Indian that creates a Muslim Indian – the culture is very different.

             [2] South African Muslim Indians have a very different culture    

[1.1] This is fiction and we should enjoy it for that. But by making aspects of a character real, it makes it easier to lie to you.

[1.2] Fucked up

[1.3] ‘Her womanly wanting’ funny but gets the job done 

End of the Road

I think I must have been in the first or second year of University before I truly understood what the song actually meant. I loved this song growing up, listening to it and singing along, not getting the worlds right “it’s so natural” instead of “Its un-natural” .

Here I am some years later, and I can truly understand what the song really means. It’s actually really sad and depressing. To think that things have an end. I mean everybody knows that one day we are all going to die. The key being “one day”. As some of us experience death of loved ones, that “one day” becomes real. But you can rationalise it’s inevitable there is no stopping it.

But when the death of a relationship comes, it’s a completely different experience. There is always a ‘what if’ that will stay with you. Like an alternative ending to a movie, it will play itself out in your imagination...over and over again, until one day you ready to just let it go. I have come to an understanding about relationships. They end. And that’s fine. I think it’s because of my childhood that I so yearn for this fairy tale ending. This ever after that will remain eternal and more importantly eternally happy.

But real life is quite different.

I’ve heard too many stories of young couples divorcing. It really makes me sad, but then it occurred to me. What if it was just their end? Nothing is made to last forever. Relationships end. What if it was just their time? There is no happily ever after, there is no forever, and destiny is something that we can never truly understand. So really as sad as it is, divorce is okay and natural to a certain extent.

This thought makes me calmer. Even though its sad....its life.

Think this song is cool.


 

Avengers

Every so often a movie is made that makes you say...yes. Yes that is the one. The one we have been waiting for.

Joss Whedon, is a ‘one-liner’ genius. He did a brilliant job with the conversation part of the movie. And the...I don’t know what they call it...comedic timing? Whatever it’s called, it gets *Big High Five* from me.

The action and fight sequence also lived up to my expectations *Big High Five* there.

The only thing I didn’t get is the way Hulk couldn't control himself, then he suddenly could? I didn’t get it. For me it was a bit of a leap. But okay I can let that go.

Out of all of the Avengers own movies, I have to say I enjoyed Iron Man the most. It is strong enough to stand on its own; I don’t think the other movies have that ability.

I am totally in love with Thor but when I think about it, for a story that is based on actual Myth that in some parts of the world is believed to be an actual story, it seems flat. I find that when a story line is based on myth or legend, they have much more to work with so the story can be intricate and detailed. But most of the time, the movie makers want to leave time open for all the flashy action and fighting and CG stuff, that they cut out most of the story line, which is the back bone of a movie.

I didn’t watch Capitan America until after Avengers. CA was a bit disappointing; it was so slow with no big bang at the end.

And Hawkeye didn’t get a movie? What’s that about? But rather let them not make a movie, then make one that flops.

Can’t wait for the second one!

Muslim Girl Problems:

Dating. Halaal. Halaal Dating.

Enough Said.

Muslim Girl Problems: When Aunt Suzie’s in Town

Thanks to Azra for the title!

I hate THAT time of the month during Ramadaan. 

The only thing worse than being caught eating in the office and asked by your non-Muslim Boss why you not fasting is nearly being caught almost eating by your Muslim boss and then him asking are you fasting?

Why do Muslim men/boys ask Muslim women/girls if they are fasting? Do you really want an answer to that? Okay... 

“No, I’m not”.

And the stupidest response I ever got from that is... 

“Why?”

I want to just smack them on the heads when they ask that question! As modern as I am...I hate discussing it. So my answer is...

”why do you think?”

But get them on a bad day... 

“I don’t know”.

And all I can think is ***Ay...I see the Roza got you son***

Ramadaan 2012

I truly love this time of year.

This Ramadaan, I would like to gain steadfastness, clarity, and contentment.

(*

A Fairy Tale come to life

I have a confession to make. I am just a little obsessed with Fairy tales. I’m convinced its the ever after crap. That’s what gets me every time.

I loved Snow White and the Huntsman. *two very enthusiastic thumbs up*

 

Even though it should have been called The Sexy Huntsman and the Witch, it was still a good version of Snow White. The fundamentals stayed the same...good vs. Evil and the desire for beauty and power. And the key to doing a good Fairy Tale makeover is to keep to the fundamentals of the story.

I thought Mirror Mirror was funny and cute...and give it *two thumbs up*. But this was better.

I really do want to go on and on about how much I love Chris Hemsworth and why he is my man for 2012 but *sigh* I shall continue... 

The real show stealer (besides the sexiness of Chrissy Poo) is without a doubt Charlize Theron in the role of the witch.

In second place, the mirror. It was beautiful and unique. And that voice was a little scary.  

The movie was about the visual, and anyone who didn't see it on the big screen seriously missed out. And the best thing they could have done was to keep Kirsten quite...I know...I sound bad, but it is true.

The ending...well its obvious that I'm on team Huntsman. But I do think its very stupid to end the movie like that. Whats with the female empowerment...give me a fairy tale the way its suppose to be any day!!

And a sequal? I'm not too sure hows that gonna go down. But at least I'll be able to see Chrissy Poo again!

I’ve created my own Movie grading system:
*Big high five* – Five stars

*Two very enthusiastic thumbs up* - Four stars

*Two thumbs up* - Three Stars
*Thumb up* - two stars
*A Nod* - One star
*Kick-in-the-face* - Worst Movie of all time.

What I thought of the Movie Material

This is long overdue. And it’s probably not relevant. But I need to say it.

As far as South African movies go, this is up there with the best of them.

Why?

It’s not because it’s funny and that every second extra was someone’s, brother, friend or Imaam.

But because South Africa is a country that is defined by race and the Muslims are divided by it. The movie didn’t make that dividing relevant at all! *Big high five* for that. A brownie was just that, a brownie and not Malay/Coloured or Indian Muslim.

I did think that some of the history of the place and the politics was needed in the beginning. I was watching the movie, understanding all the social things, but nothing about the bigger political picture which was a silent catalyst in the unfolding of events. I had to ask my mother about it in the end.

This movie also made me look at SA audiences differently. It shocked me that many young people, who had seen it, didn’t understand the political thread either, BUT never mentioned it. It just shows you what a good looking hero and a few jokes can do to a movie*lesson for SA movie makers*.

Rage of an anti-Feminist

My mother taught me to always except the message. No matter where it comes from, be it a bible verse, Buddah saying or whatever. There is a lesson in the message that I was meant to learn.

I initially liked the facebook group Pure Matrimony, not because I wanted to find a husband on their site but because my friend sent me a status of theirs and I liked the message. From time to time, they really do have good messages for people.

But for some reason their misogynistic undertones are getting louder and louder.  There are some things that you can ignore because you can say its cultural interpretation, but I think I have finally reached my limit.

This morning they put a very nice post about Jummah:

“1. *Men are obligated to participate in Friday Prayer*. Allah (S.W.T.) said in Surat Al-Jumauah, (verse 9), what can be translated as, "O’ you who believe! When the call is proclaimed to Prayer on Friday hasten earnestly to the remembrance of Allah, and leave off business. That is best for you if you but knew."

In addition, prophet Mohammad (P.B.U.H.) had warned from not attending Friday Prayer. In an authentic hadith reported by Abu Dawod, Tirmithi, An-Nesaii, and Ibn-Majah, that the prophet (P.B.U.H.) said, "Who ever does not attend three Friday prayers, (without a valid excuse) Allah will set a seal on his heart"

Can everyone just stop and read that again.... *Men are obligated to participate in Friday Prayer*.

So I say:

Please explain to me, how does this specify to Men only? You state *Men are obligated to participate in Friday Prayer* But the Verse starts "O’ you who believe!" And the Prophet Mohammad (P.B.U.H.) starts the Hadith with "Who ever does not ". So I don't understand how you specify only Men. Clarity would be much appreciated.

 Then Someone replies

wot is tryn 2 say is,men are oblige they must atend jumah prayer in the mosques while women are not oblige but they can atend jumah @ mosques if they wan to. Jumah mubarak to all!

So I say:

That is what the interpreter is saying, but there is no evidence in what they are quoting, that women are exempt from or can choose whether they want to go to Jummah.”

This is what seriously annoys me. Look, I don’t go to Jummah, because it’s not something I grew up doing. But I don’t believe that women are exempt for attending or even making Jummah at home.

“O’you who believe!” Does that mean that only men believe?

“Who ever does not” Does that mean only men?

If that is true that every time those phrases are stated you can cut women out of that equation.

Someone emailed me and said that he had a friend that was muslim and she felt that she was being oppressed by her muslim male counterparts.

I replied saying that this woman is from a ‘continental’ country, where the culture is dominated by a patriarchal society. The issues that she faces are no different to that of Christian or Jewish or even non-believing women face. Because, the emphases is not on the religion. Its not Muslim vs. Non-Muslim, its Men vs. Women.

This is a fight that has gone on for centenaries, and you know what it’s probably going to go on for a few more.

But essentially, Islam if practiced properly, and not according to cultural interpretation, gives women an equal position in Society! Idea’s that a woman’s place is in the home, cut off from knowledge, intellectual debate; travelling; or being seen and actually living within society is the biggest load of BULL I’ve ever heard. And I implore anyone who has evidence that proves me otherwise to come forward. I mean real evidence, not verses and hadiths that are taken out of context.

I think I have to do real research about this topic (Jummah and females) because it is one that keeps on rearing its ugly head.

But I’m going to do one final statement. Female oppression is not something that occurs in Islam alone. Across all religions, cultures, social economic status, you will find females that are oppressed. I don’t understand why, the minute people read the word, Muslim or Islam than for some reason its so much worse.

It isn’t. It’s all the same. 

Dear Muslim Women...

...who are desperate to get married

Read this very carefully. You’re first and foremost duty and loyalty as a Muslim is to your Lord. 

Your first job...is to worship...not to be a wife. 

The reason you were born was not so that you can one day buy your own washing machine and make hot hot rotis on the tawa. 

Your duty is to your one Lord. That’s it! Everything and anything comes secondary to that. Yes, getting married, having children, being a good daughter and in-law, sister, friend, and citizen is part of that but NOT the soul purpose.

It is absolutely disgusting how some men believe that a muslim women’s soul purpose in life is to get married. Shame on you and your house for teaching you that! 

It's just Fiction...or is it?

I have always had a love-hate relationship with Mills and Boon books. I will always blame my romantic expectations on these highly fictional works. But should I blame the books or myself? It is after all just a story about something that is not real.

I read this guys post...and being somewhat of a fiction fan I really thought about what he said. And it occurred to me that to some extent I agree with him. I might only agree with the title of his post but it is agreement non-the-less.

All I know about the books (hunger games and harry potter) is what the movies tell me. And from what the movie told me, the Hunger Games heroin Katniss was dismissive of her mother, because her mother abandoned them, when they needed her the most. 

Imagine really needing your mother...and she being there, but not being bothered to care about you. She’s too consumed by her own feelings to even acknowledge yours. Can you imagine what that must feel like? Older siblings often have this need to fulfil the role of the parent, when needed...then loosing respect for the parent because they are “doing a job” that the parent should. I’ve actually seen this behaviour in real life.  

So I think the story line firstly, is true to reality and secondly should teach parents that your job is to look after your kids, not the other way. I don’t know what happens in the books, but Katniss’s treatment of her mother is justified in the movie. It might not be right, because in Islam you are not allowed to be rude to your parents no matter what.

Can I blame my dysfunctional love life on the Mills and Boon fictional books? Can a parent blame the disrespect shown by their child on fiction? Me thinks...No to both questions.

It comes back to the whole idea of fiction. Fiction is just that...fiction. It’s not real, it’s made up. Your children will know that even though Peter Pan can fly...you can’t fly in real life, unless you’re in an aeroplane.

The most important part of fiction is to teach children the fundamental truth of life...that good always will verse evil and good, will always win. This is an important lesson for children to learn, because they need to learn that if they do something bad, they are going to get caught and punished. And if they do something good they will be rewarded. 

Now, in reality this is not always the case. Good people are not rewarded and Bad people tend to live very full lives. BUT...the place that this is most relevant...is in the hereafter. In the world after this one, the good will be rewarded the bad will be punished and justice will reign. Fiction (most of them) reinforces this idea in scenarios that make it almost real to the reader. Key word here...is almost. This is fiction having a purpose.

I hate fiction that doesn’t have anything substantial behind it. A story that doesn’t have a moral, to me is not a story. It is just an opportunity for the writer to self-indulge in his or her delusions for nothing more than to please their own ego.

The one thing I think is dangerous about Harry Potter/Hunger games is it teaches children about power in a negative way. Magic (or physical strength that is non-human) has an element of ‘god like’ actions because it gives the person the ability to control things that by human standards are uncontrollable. It makes the reader feel like they wish they had the power “of god”.

This is very dangerous, because as we grow up, we learn that Power is not something that can be found through a spell or toxic waste dump. It does exist, but not as we thought it did. It is something that is very valuable and it is something that everyone fights for and more importantly, something that you will not have all of the time. 

Whether it is the desire to have the power to change the weather or say a spell to fix your glasses, the desire for power that was not meant to be yours is dangerous. Who knows how that desire will be nurtured and how it will grow. Who knows what lengths people will go through just to feel an ounce of such power? Will they go looking in dark places for magic? Will they oppress people in their lives to feel powerful? Because ultimately, it is the feeling of powerlessness when you are a child, that really does stay with you for the rest of your life.

There are many many positive things that can be learned from fantasy fiction books and really only one bad. Because as Muslim’s we learn that there is only one ultimate power and that is Allah(SWT). For example He controls the weather and is in possession of ultimate strength and most of all He has the power over your life and death. To believe, or even want otherwise is tantamount and in some cases is...shirk; the deadliest of all sins.

Does that mean we stay away from the books...I don’t think so. But you have to teach children the true meaning of fiction.

I always wanted to fly like peter pan when I was a kid...sometimes I still do. Not to feel powerful...to feel free. 

I've been there. Not going back

I’ve been through the long dark of Moria. I got lost, then attacked but eventually I fought and clawed my way out. I refuse to go back to the darkness willingly. Sometimes an orc or goblin, heck even a troll, will hit me over the head and drag my fat ass back. But even then! I have enough sense, to sneak out and make my way back to the light. Sometimes I see the light and I reach for it, but something happens and I get dragged back in. But I find a way out! And eventually I taste the air of freedom again.  So I am very sorry, but I will not go back. And I will not allow anyone else to drag me with them. Yes maybe to save them. But if I go in, and they standing there, paralysed with fear, I’m not going to sacrifice myself. I will smack the person and if that person has no sense to save themselves. Or to even try to. I will turn and run. That shit, you can count on.

There comes a moment in everyone’s life, where we have to choose. We either lie down and get beaten or we stand and fight. And I’ve come to the sad realisation that more people will lie down than stand up. But I’ve done the work. So whatever freedom I feel now, I have earned. Whatever happiness I feel, however small, I have earned. And for not one minute do I take it for granted. Or do I forget that it can all be taken away from me. In a second. 

I’ve had an apostrophe

Lighting has just struck my brain. It’s time to stop playing around and start working.

*rubbing hands together*

Time to be brave again!! 

Spidey Quotes: Because I can

Ben Parker: All the things that you've been thinking about, Peter... make me sad.

Peter Parker: Can't you understand? I'm in love with Mary Jane.
Ben Parker: You know I understand. But I thought you'd learned the meaning of responsibility.
Peter Parker: [sigh] You don't know how it feels.
Ben Parker: Peter, all the times we've talked of honesty, fairness, justice, out of those times I counted on you to have the courage to take those dreams out into the world.
Peter Parker: I can't live your dreams anymore. I want a life of my own.
Ben Parker: You've been given a gift, Peter. With great power, comes great responsibility.
[pauses and holds out hand]
Ben Parker: Take my hand, son.
Peter Parker: [pause] No, Uncle Ben. I'm just Peter Parker. I'm Spider-Man... no more. No more.
[to himself]
Peter Parker: No more.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0316654/quotes?qt=qt0330769

Turns out walking, is not as easy as falling

I have had an online crush for a while now. Not, I-want-to-marry-you-and-have-your-baby’s kind of crush. More like, I-want-to-eat-your-brain-so-I-can-see-how-you-think kind of crush. Because there are very few people in the world that make me go...what the hell does that mean? So when I meet people like this, I want to keep them in my pocket for a very long time.

The Mad Hatter plays with me. Not in a slap-and-tickle kind of play, but like fun play, like kids would. It’s like he’s falling down the rabbit hole right next to me, having the time of his life. It’s exciting, because I never know what can come out of his brain. It’s challenging, because it makes me say and think things I would never dream.

So I came up with this thing. I would do an Online Valentine thing for him, just for fun. I’ve been planning it, since last year, but then life happened. So I’m posting it here, because I went through all the trouble of making it and everything.

I’ve found very few people I could play with. Many of whom I don’t talk to anymore, because life happens. I always wanted to have my prince charming be someone who could play with me.

I heard on 3talk the other day, that there was this study done, and it was found that the same part of the brain that gets stimulated when you take cocaine is the same part of the brain that gets stimulated when you “stalk” someone. So loving someone that doesn’t love you back is like crack?

*Lightning bolt* For the longest time I was an addict. I was hooked and in denial. Blaming destiny, and age, and ethnicity and the mother and socio economic status, for all the reasons, why they didn’t love me back. But in the mean time, I was just on crack. That’s all it was. It had nothing to do with him. It was always about me.

Suddenly, the boy, the clown even the midget made sense. As long as I was up in the clouds, I didn’t have to trip and fall on land.

I was a fan of the concept of “walking into love”. The whole falling thing seemed too tragic and too much effort for nothing in the end. So now there is this person, let’s call him Hulk. Hulk is on land, and he wants to walk with me. Probably the scariest thing I’ve ever done. Some part of me always wished I would fall in love, so that I would have to think about the 101 things that can go wrong or that is wrong already. My intelligence knows that anything of value can only be made by walking and not falling. But my heart, cannot stand that the reality may not end in happily ever after.

Reality my new friend, welcome. I hope you enjoy your time here. Because I’m not enjoying it. It’s easy to say, I want someone who has the same chemistry as Mad Hatter. But then Reality tells me that Mad Hatter is a lot of work. Ordering food will become an adventure. When all you really want, is to sit, order food, eat, and walk out.

I realised one day then when I sit and talk to Hulk the conversation is not mind blowing. He is not down the rabbit hole with me. He is not making me feel like I’m flying. We are not contemplating the stars. All we are doing is just have a normal conversation. It occurred to me while talking about the most mundane thing, that I’ve had so much more interesting, fun, mind blowing ‘play dates’ than this. But I didn’t want to get up and walk out. I didn’t want him to change the topic of conversation. I was more than content just walking. Not running. Not flying. Just walking.

I finally know what superman was talking about. “It is different when they like you back”. It’s scarier. But that’s what happens when you wait so long. It might not be anything or it might be everything. But at least its real.

Slow music does not a good movie make

There are two types of movies in this world. Those made for the pleasure of movie watchers. And those made for movie makers. Don’t believe me? Twilight #nuffsaid.

Hugo, is made for movie makers. That’s why it’s up for an Oscar. The cinematography was so pretty, clean yet cartoony. In terms of acting everyone was brilliant! Really from that guy that looks like the guy who plays professor X. Not young professor X, old professor X. I’m just joking, I know his name, Ben Kingsley. (Okay I googel’d just to make sure).

Where was I? Oh yes, the acting. Sasha (what what), you know Ali G, he was amazing. He created the perfect blend of serious, comedy, romance and tragedy in his performance. It was beautiful. And the children as well, they were really...believable.

But there was something lacking...something that I think is the most important part of any movie, the Story line. It’s a really mediocre story. The question I asked when I left the cinema was so what? It ended very nicely, but still.....so what? It had no meaning to me.

Movie makers on the other hand love it. Why is that? Because it’s a movie about movie? Imagination? Family? I don’t know. I just don’t get it.

My Argument for Socialism

I miss my house. I use to live in house with a nice garden. In the mornings I would take the old bread and rice and throw in the garden for the birds to eat.

One day I realised that by the afternoon all the rice/bread was finished. The birds were actually eating the food in one day.

So the next day I threw the pieces of old bread and watched from my kitchen window as the birds ate it. The smaller birds (they look like robins) came first pecking away at the big pieces of bread, tearing at the bread to break it up. Then bigger birds (they looked like crows) came and scared away the smaller birds and started eating the bread.

Not two minutes later, even bigger birds (pigeons) came along and scared them away and started eating the bread.

The Robins in the mean time found smaller crumbs and were pecking at them, the Crows did the same, but the Pigeons were having fun with the big slice of bread that was halfway torn apart by the other birds. They ate until they had their fill then flew away, leaving the Crows to eat the scraps, once the Crows were full they too flew away.

The Robins, who were the first to come, were the last to leave, having to fight harder for their food than the others, but having nothing more than crumbs.

The most important thing to note here, that as animals, they eat to their fill, take some to their babies, and that is it. They don’t store food the way humans store money.

The next day, I squashed up the bread and rice and then scattered it over the garden, making sure that it was not clumped in one place. I waited and watched as the Robins came and started eating, the Crows came, scared the Robins but the Robins just flew to the next food source. And when the Pigeons came they didn’t even scare the other two away, because there was enough food. They were all in their different section of the garden, eating their food and then left. No fighting, no issues, if the birds wanted more food, all they had to do was fly to a different section of the garden.

If wealth is distributed, everyone gets to eat. And those who want a surplus, has to work harder to get it. Which is not very different to the way things are now, because if you want money you have to work hard for it. The only difference is that that Pigeons (fat cats, very rich people, and industries) can’t take advantage of Robins because they have to work just as hard as any other bird.

People can learn from this.

The End.

Stupid

I just realised that I follow my own Blog.

How stupid is that!!

In other news I wrote a poem about something that I hold very dear! I hope you all like it.

Its called, Ode to Weekend.

Here goes:

Ode to Weekend

oh sweet weekend, how I have missed you.

I've yearned for your breath,

ached for your touch,

I am restless in my yearning,

And devoid of your touching,

consumed by all that you promise,

oh sweet weekend, I have missed you so.

Yip...I'm gonna be famous!

P.S it annoys me when people are like, "Its the weekend" or "Its Monday". I'm like thanks for the reminder! I could not live without you *sarcastic rolling eyes* (Not of the BBM kind)

Reblogg - Free Write: On Never Having Been In Love

One Word for this: Wow

I’ve been loved and I’ve loved hard but never in it, always just off to the side. Always just a circling the drain. I never fell. On the outside looking in. I was never pushed. I figured out what “normal” looked like in a relationship and I tried to emulate it as best I could. When I slipped, folks blamed the illness or the artist and they were right but it was also this need to stay just a little bit out of reach.

I think about collateral damage often. I think about the men who are somewhere thinking that they were the great love of my life; lamenting or laughing about how they broke my heart or hurt me. What they don’t know is that they didn’t break me because I was never theirs to break. I chose them because I knew they could never see me or touch me. I chose the emotionally repressed. I chose the machismo. I chose the mommy issues. I chose the arrogance. I chose the conceit. I chose the self centered navel gazing pseudo poet. I chose anything that told me that there was an expiration date. I was just waiting for it. Biding my time and holding my self close. So when they left, I sighed in relief. Exhaled for the first time we negotiated a hello or a kiss. And there were tears. There was a wetness that appeared when it was necessary and often when it wasn’t. The tears were real. The hurting was real but it wasn’t for them. I brought the hurting with me. I only leave with what I came with.

And my “I love yous” were never statements or declarations. They were questions, “Can you see me?”

If the answer was yes, I let them believe that when I ended it, it was their idea. And if the answer was no, then I knew that I needed to check the expiration date. I needed to gather my things, collect what I came with and leave before someone got hurt.

http://basseyworld.tumblr.com/post/16103004560/free-write-on-never-having-been-in-love

http://whyimsingle.tumblr.com/post/16110106651/free-write-on-never-having-been-in-love

Being a traveller, being wrong & being in a movie

Have you ever been proven wrong? I love it when I’m proven wrong. Not by words but by actions, it puts me back in my box and shows me my humanity.

I was lucky enough to attend a working group in USA last year. When I received my confirmation letter of attendance I began to panic. I've heard the horror stories. Innocent people travelling to US and being detained then shipped off to Guantanamo Bay, for carrying the Quran.

Okay, so I’m exaggerating a bit. But I really was scared. I never liked Americans because from what I read, what I saw on TV and the few people I met, I came to the conclusion that Americans were narrow minded, blindly following, arrogant and rude people. But I was proven wrong.

From the minute I stepped off the aeroplane it was like a sensory overload. The accent alone is enough to make you feel like you’re walking through a movie.

I waited at Atlanta airport for my connecting flights and I just looked at people. Families, friends, lovers all waiting for their flights, they seemed so....normal.

It was so cool to be able to eat the food that you see on TV and walk in the places that are in so many movies. But the people were the biggest shocker for me. They were so friendly, helpful and normal.

There were times that we shared the canteen with teenagers and I was so shocked at how respectful they were. Always saying please and thank you, letting you dish food first and not wasting food.

I have not seen South African kids in a big group act like that. I had to wonder, we always accuse American’s of being brainwashed by their media/TV, are we not guilty of the same thing? I know I was.

I was walking around one of the most dangerous places in USA and a female beggar asked me for small change, I actually got scared.I said no and walked really fast into the next shop to “loose her” I had just landed and was still taking everything in, it was only after a few days, I realised that they were nothing like Jo’burg beggars.They asked whether you said yes or no left you alone. They didn’t please their case to you, and then argue over the little change you gave them. They were so not normal for me.

We were on the ferry going to see the statue of liberty, ironically not something I ever wanted to actually go and see. And I overheard a conversation. *I know it’s wrong, but it just happened*. This white man was there with his family, he smiled at me as my friends and I stood next to him. And he started telling his son*I think* that this was the exact boat trip that their forefathers took all those years ago, to find “Freedom”. For the first time, I saw the ‘forefathers’ as the people saw them. As brave heroes and freedom fighters and not people who thought they were better than the rest.

On one of the flights the airhostess, announced on the flight that they have on board “Men who serve our country” and then asked everyone to give them a hand. I immediately though, considering that they probably cut off many of my fellow Muslim brothers and sisters hands, no thank you. And I didn’t clap for them. I walked through the airport looking at the hundred of army, navy whatever people and I just wondered, how many people have you killed? How much innocent blood do you have on your hands?

And then I saw him. The air force boy, I could not take my eyes off of him. I was staring at him, but he seemed to not have noticed #thankfully *what if they arrested me right there and then for staring at an officer of the law* #scaryshit. He was young. Probably just turned 18. He didn’t look it. He looked like he was 16 years old. And suddenly the big bad US army killing all the Muslims was turned into a living breathing person. A creation of the Lord of the Worlds. A boy that could have been my cousin. And my heart just broke for him. I tried to imagine what his mother must have felt, the day he “went off to war”. He was not a warrior. He was just a boy.

As we bordered our connecting flight, I overheard an older man talking to him. He asked him,, where was he stationed and then asked him, what did he want to do in the future. He replied that he wanted to make a career in the air force. He said it with such pride. And the older man replied, in a tone of experience “that’s what we all wanted”. Turns out the older man also served his country and when his turn came, they just kicked him the curb. I don’t know what exactly happened or how. I didn’t get to hear the whole story. The parts I did hear, was the older man warning the air force boy, not to pin his hopes on it.

I had a conversation with a Muslim guy when I came back about America. He went off on a tangent about how they have ruined the world and started listing all they countries that they invaded and all the people they killed like some kind of dare I say it “fundamentalist”. And I was so livid. I told him, that the US government is NOT its people. What about all the Muslims that live in America? You would pray for the downfall of a nation which your brothers and sisters belong to? Rather pray for justice to prevail! He didn’t get it. He couldn’t see beyond his own ignorance and hate.

I remembered the live movie I witness when I was sitting waiting for another flight. It was the most romantic thing ever. A soldier was running towards one of the boarding gates *I kid you not*. He stopped behind one of the flight attendants, tapped her on her shoulder and when she turned around she got a shock and then jumped into his arms. They were both smiling; hugging, kissing. And the people watching this ‘live show’ said “awww”. We were all touched at that moment by young love. It was beautiful *tear*. You have to wonder, would they see each other again? When is she going to get a phone call telling her he is dead?

War is senseless, not matter what the cause, or how honourable the cause is. Nobody wins in war.

I realised that they believe in a dream, just as we South African’s do. We believe in equality for all people regardless of race, religion and economic status which we know doesn’t happen. And they believe that their country is the best country in the world, it is after all “the land of the free”. That’s not true either.

We all believe in philosophies, hopes and dreams of things not because we don’t know the reality of what they truly are, but we believe in the hope of what they might become. If we the SA people were judged by our government, we would all be alleged fraudsters, liars, adulterers, acquitted rapists and terrorists.

I’m not saying that there aren’t ignorant, blinded, arrogant people in the US. I’m just saying that they are no different to the ignorant, blinded, arrogant people that exist in the rest of the world. Before you judge, go there, meet the people, and talk to the ones who are being oppressed and the oppressors, before you make judgements.

Some things are better in theory. Making my own ice cream out of chocolate, gummy bears, oreo's and cream was not such a good idea.