Friday, December 20, 2013

2013 - The year that should never have been

I can't believe this year is already almost over. And for a year that according to the Mayans should not have been! It has been quit interesting. Well they never actually said it was going to end just that there was going to be great change.

For me, while some things have changed others stay exactly the same. But that's life innit? 

So what have I learned this year? 

Most recently I learned that I like blogging more than twitter. Helloooo blogger app *salute* (first time I used blogger on my Ipad, and while uploading it is so easy typing it up is not).

Love, while it does not solve, save or change things, it does make everything better. 

I take for granted that people think critically. Because I do, I think critical thinking is only natural. That is not the case. Most people take things at face value and really don't care about the rest. Therefore me commenting on statuses etc, is futile. I will not be doing that again. 

I learned that the problem is not the world, its me. I recently met many different types of people, and things like : being "fat" "lonely" "unable to meet the right person" is not an age thing, or circumstance, it's a me thing. I need to change if I want to change any of those things. Because if I don't I will find myself in a different sphere of life, still singing the same unhappy tune. 

The past should stay in the past. 

Life, especially today, is not about choosing between good and evil, but the lesser of two evils. Sad but true. 

There is a big difference between growing up without your parent and growing up with a parent that disappoints you.
People are not open about the need for therapy. They try and hide it, as if it's shameful. It is not! 

I have been wrestling with the idea that maybe I just took my parents divorce too hard, and other people don't. Then I realized, no that is not it, I'm just more vocal about it. 

I feel too much. Maybe it's my pieces nature, but my feelings were on 100% when it shouldn't have been. I have other senses and I should use those too. 

I realised that while my upbringing was to be logical, my nature is a romantic one. I love, love and romance and I have to get my fix somewhere so if it's not in real life (which it hasn't) I get it from fiction. (My new years resolution is to stop buying cheap smutty romance novels or downloading them for free).

There are somethings I will never be able to change and that is OK. 

There is more to Islam than Rights (of men and women). There is an unseen force that allows one to be connected to a higher power. This is a highly spiritual event and something many people forget when they speak about Islam! They forget that it is much more than rules and regulations and what you owe your husband or wife or children. Islam is about the calling to your heart. What inspires and feeds your soul. Because a soul that is full and whole doesn't need rules and regulation, they will automatically do the right thing.  I choose to focus on the calling to my heart and soul. I choose to focus on what I have rather than what I don't. 

It has dawned on me, that some things that I was convinced was meant to be, actually isn't and never will, be. 

All is as it should be so why worry about what's going to be right? 

I hope who ever reads this has a wonderful holiday season. Be safe. Be happy. 2014 - Bring it! 

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

I'm happy...

I will say this much, yes it irritates me, it saddens me, it frustrates me, but today I am happy I am not married.

The thought of binding myself to a man who has his own thoughts and understanding and interpretations, that will have a direct impact on my life, is a f#$%! scary thought. Even though, May the Almighty will it, I find a man who has the same core values and core thinking as I do

It still scares the shit out of me.

Not because I'm scared of divorce. I'm not scared of divorce. Its just a part of life. Its because I'm scared of getting that look in married women's eyes. That empty, scarred, wounded look. Its quicker than a blink of an eye but you can see it when you mention marriage. Its like marriage destroys women. And it doesn't matter if its destruction comes from the hands of the husband, in-laws, family - the destruction of innocence (not just cherry popping) seems to be inevitable in marriage. More for women than men, but yeah I've seen the look in men's eyes too.

I've heard some horror stories. But I remember once specific incident that will stick with me. (I might have types this before). A girl I knew in school invited me to her engagement. At this function I sat at a table with a group of people I attended Primary school with. They weren't my friends, but a girl who I was friendly with sat at the table and told the story of how she got married.

It was a spur of the moment thing. The equivalent of an elopement in the Muslim Society, they got married on a week night and she was still living at her parents house and he at his. They were still studying at University  and needed space to study so their together time was done on the weekends until they graduated. She was glowing. Totally happy and smiling.

I saw her a couple of years later, washed out, with a child and all that glow, smiles and possibility wiped from her face. She actually looked like shit. Granted she could have been just having a crappy day but I felt so sorry for her. And I am always reminded of that, when I hear sad marriage stories. How being married just destroyed people.

I read this book called "The Jane Austen guidebook to dating". One of the things the author says is that we need to be careful of who we date. That sometimes people just bring out the worst in us. You are not a slob, but being with this person just brings that side out of you. But what do you do? How do you know? The truth is, you don't.

I know this much. The one thing you don't want is the thing that will happen. Its a some type of grand design planning thing, to humble you. To teach you a lesson. Don't expect things to happen. Just live. Just trust.

Of course there are happy stories. But its the sad ones that you remember. The sad ones that make you glad you are not married.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Into the light

I want to do this to some people. Just because they are in such darkness. And evil & darkness just comes out of them when they open their mouths. Or Minds. Though I'm no one to command anyone. So my version would be something like this:
"By the will of the Almighty, may He command you into the light!"
*I DO NOT advocate the use of magic or spells of any kind in this excerise.

Monday, September 16, 2013

"You know nothing of hell"

My life has never been easy, it’s never been just ‘good’. And when things are good now, I feel guilty. I wait and wonder when the other shoe is going to drop. When is it all going to end? When is that sinking feeling and knowing going to return?

I think about how far I’ve come and I’m in awe, and so grateful. But then I look again, and while some things have changed drastically others haven’t changed at all. And I feel stuck. Like I’m still sixteen.
I in no way am not grateful for the light. For my salvation from Moria. I never take that for granted. Every time I’m pulled back, every time I have to face the darkness on my own, and the orcs and the goblins and even the trolls, I never take for granted that this time around it’s different. That feeling of absolute despair was replaced by a light. And while the light may dim and waver, it never goes out. And it is the one thing I hold on to. No matter how long I stay in Moria. No matter how long it takes me to get out. There is light.

I never asked for any of this. I never asked to be strong. I am strong because I have to be. I don’t have a choice. And that strength, that gets me out of Moria that allows me to survive, makes me hard and ‘un-approachable’. I can’t smile at strangers. It’s that self defence mechanism that kicks in. So every time I see a cute guy on the train, I give the bitch face stare.
I don’t want to be like that. I have to. You would be like that too if you had to fight trolls and goblins in your spare time.  You would be like that too if you really knewevil.

I sometimes wish that my mother raised me to know how to catch a husband and not be strong. Have him fight for me. I’ll be in the tower; I have no problem with that. I’m exhausted. A tower holiday is something that I would love right now.

And I look at these women, who fight for independence as if they know what that word means. And it’s only those women who’ve lived all their lives under the watchful gaze of their fathers and brothers then their husbands that can want that type of freedom. They never had to fight goblins. They never had to be strong.
And the worst thing about being that way is that the moment you let go. The moment you decide not to be strong, you make the wrong decision. And then have to deal with that for the rest of your life.

All I have ever had to be was strong, and now hard. And I wonder, if we are always being prepared for the future. What am I being prepared for?

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Getting Ready...

I remember a nazim/song that we learned in Madressa. "Ramadan is coming, Ramadan is coming..." I hated that song. Not only because that it has a melody that is displeasing to my ear but reminds me of not a very nice time in my life.

I love Ramadan. Its just a feeling. A comfort that comes over you that you want to hold on to forever. You remember your purpose. Your destiny. You remember all the things that the long days and nights of normalcy make you forget.

I am reminded that all life is connected. That I am a spec of light on thread of the tapestry of life. Interlinked and interwoven into a greater universe. One that I cannot comprehend. I realise that all of time is just perception. My understanding of what moves between one second and another is determined by what I am feeling at that particular time.

And it normally sways between hunger and exhaustion. Frustration and anger is not far behind. Sprinkle a little sadness and tears and you have melting pot of all the things that you shouldn't be doing while you are fasting. But, alas such is the human condition.

This morning I sign into facebook and every second status talks about trusting the Lord of the worlds. Yes okay I got the message. I need to trust. But the day goes on and my mood dips and I remember that while I worship a Loving and Forgiving Lord, He is also a tester. He is also punisher. And I feel like the whole world is weighing down on me. Like I just can't handle one more sad story, or more 'bad news' or things that are never going to happen. Like death would be a great relief right now. So later I'm Internet surfing and came across this post, please note the date. How apt it talking about fasting. And its like the Lord spoke to me again.

Okay, I get it. No more wallowing. Trust your Lord. Change yourself. Have Patience. Message received loud and clear.

On a more social note:

I went out this past weekend and it was like Muslims where enjoying what they can of their freedom before they went to jail. There a two schools of though on this matter, one that thinks people going out in droves before Ramadan eating as if all the food is going to finish in one month, is wrong, and those who think its okay. I use to come from the first one, but now I think I agree with the second much more.

As South African Muslims 'celebration' of ones religion is...difficult. We haven't learned how to do it yet. To eat? But over-eating is bad for you and against the Sunnah. Zoo Lake? Parading around while you should be with family has been officially condemned by the Ulamah. We don't drink, we don't dance or listen to music...'officially' anyway. So how do we celebrate such as awesome month? South Africa's go shopping and walk around malls.

To the naysayers I say, give us a break! Being a Muslim is more than just being in your family. Being a Muslim means that you a apart of a greater family, society. Going out and seeing all types of people with their family's eating at a restaurant, or shopping for last minute Ramadan groceries gives us a sense of camaraderie. That we all going to do it together. And isn't that what the whole point of Islam is? To bring people together in the worship of the one Lord?

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

To Know

This is not about pain, all pain is relative. Everyone experiences it so no one can tell the other how good or bad they got it.

But the breaking of the very fabric of reality is something that you will never understand unless you have been through it.

Unless you have been through that moment, where everything goes silent, the world stops and you can literally hear a type of crack. A breaking of sorts. The wind is knocked out of you. You go numb, then bombarded with every emotion known to man and then numb again. All in a blink of an eye.

You think back to the moment before, the moment you didn’t know and it’s like you can’t understand how it happened. How can reality crack, break, change, split, disappear with just Knowing?

Everything is different. And nothing will ever be the same again. And you try to hold on, but it slips away from you. And in your heart you can feel it. Not just experienced, not just lived through…you Know.

I can notice it the minute I meet someone, whether they Know or not. Some try and hide it. Some wear it like a badge of honour. But I can see it in their eyes, in their step, in the lowering of their voice. I think they can see me too. The Knowers.

People talk about pain, sacrifice, doing what you want, freedom, liberation and independence. As if they know what that means. As if they have paid the blood price for Knowing. They talk, but they don’t Know.

In truth I envy them.

What I wouldn’t give to not Know.

Friday, June 21, 2013

Friday, May 24, 2013

Moonstruck quote

Totally love this

"You can't see what you are. I can see everything. You are a wolf! The big part of you has no words and it's-a wolf. This woman was a trap for you. She caught you and you could not get away. So you chewed off your foot! That was the price you had to pay to be free. Johnny had nothing to do with it. You did what you had to do, between you and you, and I know I'm right, I don't care what you say. And now you're afraid because you found out the big part of you is a wolf that has the courage to bite off its own hand to save itself from the trap of the wrong love. That's why there has been no woman since that wrong woman. You are scared to death what the wolf will do if you make that mistake again!"

Monday, May 20, 2013

My new husband *and the last*

Need I say more?
I wait with bated breath.
and a *sigh*

Monday, May 13, 2013

Lost in translation…because you lose the plot

Everyone has their own way of writing. Some use humour, sarcasm, similes, whatever to create a specific style. The style is their brand, what makes them unique.  But not everyone can do it. I have read many books, which I don’t even remember because the langue or the imagination of the writer is much like the next one. It doesn’t stand out to me.  

When I read an opinion or a social commentary whether in a blog, email, article I am very critical. Two words “reference” and “justify” has been ingrained in my mind. Every time I read something I ask myself, how do you know this? What does that mean? This can make me very anal and I’m sure this post is going to make me sound preachy.

For a while now I’ve been saying that people are saying a lot but they fail to “make an argument”. I get that I approach it from an academic point of view, but hear me out.

Understanding is often based on many things, intellect, experience, age. When a reader comes to a piece of writing they bring with them their whole selves, their whole world to the table, and interpret and understand from their point of view.
Now is it the writers fault that the reader can’t understand? No. You have to write in a way that is true to yourself, I get that. BUT, it is your responsibility to make sure what you are writing is understandable. Keep your audience in mind; though don’t only write for their pleasure. It’s a delicate balance.  

So what is the point of this whole thing? If you going to comment on real life social issues, I suggest you learn how to do it. There is a reason “the pen is mightier than the sword”. You are accountable for your words.

For the writers

“MAKE AN ARGUMENT!!!” An argument in academic work is not a bad thing. It basically means, make a point with justifications. You can’t say “the sky is blue” you have to say “I’ve experienced the sea, therefore the sky is blue”. Now when you don’t do that, people make their own assumptions as to why you are saying “the sky is blue”. And their own assumptions will contradict your conclusion and miscommunication occurs.
Don’t use big words if it doesn’t come naturally to you. You just come across as a pompous asshole. And yes readers can tell.

Use sarcasm and humour with great caution. My funny and your funny are very different.

Spelling and grammar is something that I totally suck at. But if you don’t use this right, meaning is lost.

For the Readers
Walk a mile in the writer’s shoes. Yes, you have different experiences but try and understand what the writer is saying before you go shooting off your fowl mouth (Yes I have done this before). That is why I can tell you, read to understand “the argument”. Don’t get side tracked by the sparkle of the examples. Sometimes they don’t make sense to you because you don’t have the background to understand it.

I just read a blog that is perfect example of how people just loose the plot. She is talking about a subject, using examples to explain. The critics all get so caught up on the subject that the POINT of the article is completely lost. And they come off sounding like Dicks. If they did have a valid critique it’s lost among the bull shit they sprouting.

Be critical not RUDE. If you disagree, say so but with respect. And then justify your argument! State why you are critical - give evidence, even if it’s a made up example.

If you don’t understand, ask. Don’t respond to something you are not clear on!

This is specifically for serious social issues that are being discussed. I don’t like saying nasty things on peoples blog’s because I feel like it’s their personal space, but if you want to be critical about any of my stuff, go ahead. Just remember…make an argument!

Henry Cavill - Just because :D

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

The type of wife I want to be

The advantages of being single is you get to think about things.

I've been asked on more than one occasion, "so what are you looking for?" I assume this means in a spouse, otherwise I would have said "peace and lots of money". And then I think for a second, and I come up with the silly things that you think about, kind, funny, honest, stable. But the one question no ones seems to ask, is "What type of wife are you going to be?"

Its so easy to look for what you want, how you can get it, but to ask what are you willing to give and how will you give it is much more challenging.

I want to be the type of wife that allows my husband to be himself. As stupid, arrogant and loving as he wants to be. I want to be the type of person that will be okay with whatever or whoever he is. I don't want to nag! I hate when wives nag it kills me, and I'm female! I want to be the type of wife that he listens to, misses when he is away and behind my back tells his friends how awesome I am.

I don't want to tell him how to behave in public, to eat his food (Yip, true story) or what to wear, but if he wants me to take out his clothes for him I could do it on occasion. I want to be the type of wife, that if he is watching soccer, playing fifa or trolling through techie sites I can go and read and not have to tell him that we not spending enough quality time together.

I want to be the women that inspires him to be a better man. To be his best friend.

I'm sure he will irritate me, but I want to be the type of wife that can tell him so and have him want to better himself because HE wants to do it. Not because I force or emotionally or sexually blackmail him.

That being said, a man who does not have his Shit together, will not be able to have this type of relationship. Because if I'm not going to be needy and clingy he just might be. As the wife I want to be, so too would I like a husband that is the same.  

I don't need a husband who praises me everyday. I was not born in a family that did that. So I will either not believe him, or it will irritate me. But I want to inspire in him, the need to every now then tell me how much he loves me and that I was the best decision he made.

I don't need a husband to support me financially. But I want him to. At least to know that he will look after me, and have it be my decision that we work together.

I want us to be able to live my life with my husband. Not create a world that should either of us not be there, we would fall into pieces and question the very existence of God because of our own failings.

If he sees a beautiful women, he must feel free to come to me and say 'wow...this chick is hot. But will not flirt with her, not out of respect for me, but out of respect for her because he doesn't want to lead her on. Because he treats all women with respect no matter who they are. And if she does flirt with him, he must ignore her because I am enough for him.

Who we are should not be based on the other person. But they should inspire us to do better, be better and feel loved even if we don't succeed.

Sounds like a fairy tale doesn't it? After all you don't always get what you want.

And they all lived Happily Ever After

Monday, March 18, 2013

Helllooooo sneaky geeky that can sing & rap

I haven't met a person who watched Pitch Perfect that didn't like it. For the pop culture, bubble gum, high school/college type movies, this is the best I've seen in a long, long time. Killer music, even better dancing and a kick-ass comedian is a recipe for complete success. and in my house that means that the lines will be referenced non-stop. And the dance moves to be committed to memory for future dance sessions.
This movie even changed my taste in men. I have a huge crush on Donald aka Utkarsh Ambudkar *sigh*. Never did I think that I would like that whole geeky-kinda-cool-lanky-type. When he raps in this final scene...I'm like...okay...yes *hearts and butterflies* problem *big smile*.
I can't wait to see if they make a MTV awards appearance.
Having unique characters, no matter how small part they play in a movie, just takes it to a whole different level. Its one of the things that I think makes a good movie.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Reluctent Feminist - Again!

Every time I go against Feminism and make arguments to people as to why I am not a feminist, I get put into a situation that makes me re-think that statement.

I had an argument once with a most beloved cousin of mine. He argued with me, stating that women need to take control of their lives and the reason women are where they are is because they don’t go and educate themselves and take their rights. I found myself saying out loud “the reason the women are where they are is because of men”

Oops…yip I said it. I am a reluctant feminist.

This story right here is the reason I say that women are not allowed to be educated and in charge of their lives because men make it so.

A facebook post in one of the groups I follow stated:

A very sticky situation:

A sister reverts to Islam and then marries a Muslim born brother who comes from an immigrant background. After few years in stressful marriage, two children or more and irreconcilable differences she decides to leave. He does not support her financially and is not willing to accept wrongdoing on his part. She tries with every Imam in the community to help her out and get Khu'l or divorce from him but they all avoid taking her case. Now she got the civil divorce but no Imam is willing to give her the Islamic documentation of the divorce.

What is your take on this? How should we as a Muslim community deal with a case like this one?

And then I read the comments. It took me a while to calm down. Like a couple of weeks.  And so I answered:

I read through this post and some comments and I have to say I am shocked. Words like “sbar” “mediation” “One side of the story” really got me upset and I had to wait awhile before commenting so that I could be calmer. I will try to be as brief as I possibly can:

“A hadeeth narrated by al-Bukhaari in his Saheeh (4867) from Ibn ‘Abbaas, in which it says that the wife of Thaabit ibn Qays came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I do not blame Thaabit ibn Qays for any defect in his character or his religious commitment, but I would hate to commit an act of kufr when I am a Muslim.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Will you give him back his garden [which he had given as mahr]?” She said, “Yes.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said (to Thaabit), “Accept the garden, and divorce her once.”

Please note, the Prophet (SWA) did not tell her “be patient”, he did not ask for “the other side of the story” he did not request for them to go through “mediation”. If she didn’t want to be with him, she had to give back her dowry and he had to release her.

It does NOT matter what the other side of the story is. The fact is, she is a Human Being, a Muslim and she just happens to be female and has every right to decide how to live her life. Yes divorce is not something to be taken lightly, but by her seeking a divorce on several different occasions its evidence enough that she is taking it seriously.

This is not a discussion on whether or not the divorce is valid or warranted or not, but whether women in Islam have the right to make choices about their lives. Whether her reasoning is logical or not, she has a right to choose how to live her life and her husband, Imams and everyone else needs to respect that.

Generally I don't like commenting I feel like, its your opionion who am I to impose on that...but for this I could not keep quite. It seems that through out the comments, what she wanted was just ignored and reduced, to her obligation to her children and husband and religion. I am not saying that divorce should be granted for every women who doesn't like her husband at some point in time. But this like all else in this world it seems what women want for themselves is just forgotten.

I see all these women's programmes that are so successful and so many people attend, but pray tell why is every single one of those programmes given by men? What about the women? Why are women not advising other women? Do we not have the intellect or knowledge to do so?

I would like to point out one thing, if she was a man, he would have been granted the divorce, NO ONE would have told him to “sabr” or seek “mediation” or wonder about “the other side of the story”. Because you are given the responsibility of divorce does not mean that you should not be questioned about it, and more importantly, does not mean you should not give it when it is being requested. No matter how hard it may be.

Really I think this “boys club” mentality of the Imams needs to come to an end. And remember that they are custodians of knowledge and not protectors of male brotherhood. You are not taking the side of the women; you are taking the side of what is right. Let the women decide how to live their lives, just like you allow the men to. 

I don’t like the concept of feminism. I don’t like the whole idea of a movement that gives women more work to do.

Something occurred to me. Men should love feminism. This allows for them to be helped financially, it takes the whole “family responsibility” off their shoulder for the mere price of changing diapers and washing dishes every other day. Men are given the choice to be more relaxed, more sensitive and have someone there to share the responsibility with. Really, I don’t get why men are not more for it.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Getting back up again

Falling off the "Diet" Wagon is the worst thing that can happen!

Its worse than starting. I fell off the wagon and just laid there while it dragged me along. Starting a new job, having to travel early in the morning...'those were just the first steps' in leading me astray.

So here is what I learned.

1. Once you have decided to do something, the world is going to conspire against you (yes I disagree with Paulo completely). Because as long as you feel bad about yourself, weak and like a failure the dark side wins.

2.  Things don't just happen. There is an introduction of sorts. Mine was turing my "healthy lifestyle" into a "Diet". What was a slow steady marathon turned into a race that I lost, when my purpose changed.

3. This is about me being healthy. And feeling healthy. NOT looking like a matchstick. I hope I remember that!

4. This is a slow steady marathon. Its going to take a year. So I need to just calm down!

5. Doesn't matter what you eat. Its not going to make the feelings go away.

6. Doesn't matter if you 'slip' a 'slip' is not a fall. Don't turn it into one.

7. It is really this simple: (they should have added takes time)

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Dreams, Shadows and Me

Its annoying really.

Feeling something, knowing something but not really understanding if what you know or feel is real.

Is it a dream? A shadow? An evil plot to make you weak? Make you break. Make you want and stay in wanting and waiting and pining.

Whatever evil created it, then damn them. Damn them to hell and back. Because this feeling is not something I would wish on anyone.

I just wish I knew. Is it me? Or something else. If I knew I would wait in silence. But not knowing makes me stir crazy. Is it a dream? A shadow or just me?

Then I move, any way I can just so that I don't stand still. But as I move, I move further and further away from you. And I panic...what if it was right? What if....

Then I turn back and I miss you all over again.


Thursday, February 7, 2013

But is it Art?

I think so.

Here is a collection of my work.

The lovers -
Love is often a tangled web. One that only the lovers can understand. This was influenced by a real conflict of emotions that both started and ended in love.


Behind the Rainbow - 
Inspired by the complete lack of joy we have in this world. The lines and colours represent what we see in nature is exactly what we see in our minds. 

This was by far the most difficult piece for me to do. It symbolises the real plight that normal people face. Everyday. The process of creating this was both cathartic and quit disturbing.

The eye of "Sauron"
Inspired by the minimalist approach with a contemporary spin. The eye of "Sauron" s ever watchful. This was really fun to make.

I went to a really dark place to create this. I had to dig deep. A deep place that exists in all of us.

I wasn't sure if such negative emotion should be allowed to be brought out, but once it was I was pleasantly surprised at the outcome.

Originals sell for $2000 - $10 000 each. Download is free. Please contact me for more information.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

I am a Muslim...get that? MUSLIM

I have just about as much as I can take.

I've spoken before of the serious issues muslim women have, but this takes the cake. Nay, scratch that the whole effen bakery.

No one...I repeat...NO ONE has the right to tell ANY women be it Muslim  Christian  Jewish  Hindu or even atheist for that matter, how she can and can't dress. Do you know why? Because besides being a "gender" we are human. And we have the divine human right to dress and express our beliefs as we see fit.

I am an avid supporter of women who wear both Niqaab and Hijaab (face and head coverings). And I will be, until my dying day. Because contrary to the popular fable that gets told at bed time, women are not "powerless" to the obligations set upon them. MOST of them choose to wear those clothes. And whether or not it is deemed as "obligatory", "mandatory" or "preferred" is their choice! And because they are human, that choice should be respected. Just as the women who choose to wear red stilletoes as oppose to black ones are.

But this whole "Hijaabie", "Niqaabie" thing is getting out of hand. This classification of women, creating sub-groups within the larger society, BASED on what they insane.

It defiles the very basic nature of Islam which was to bring people together. Never mind their gender, culture, class or social standing. Criminal or soldier, King or pauper, they were all banded together by believing in the One Lord and the final and seal of all Prophets (SAW).

And you might say, yeah well Islam is already divided by different schools of thought. What you don't understand, is that we live in world where unity needs to be spread not animosity. I sit in groups of muslim women who do not wear Hijaab, and do you know what they say? Not, 'I want to wear Hijaab, I saw so and so women and she looked so nice'. No, I hear stories of arrogance, and rudeness of so called "Hijaabies" which leads to the very nature of modesty to be questioned.

All of it gets really complicated, when in reality it shouldn't be.

If you are wearing Hijaab or Niqaab, that is your choice. Your divine right as a Muslim woman to make that choice. Why do you care what other people think? By banding together and creating a community that accepts each other, you have also created a community that also rejects everyone that does not look like you. There was another name for a movement like that...what was it again??? oh yeah, racism.   Ask yourself, is that the "Muslim" thing to do?

By using these terms, you create this 'sect' and then posting proudly on facebook and twitter etc, that you heart Hijaab or that you are a "Niqaabie" you create that illusion that there is a difference between you and those who don't (and that you are better because you 'follow the law'). When in reality, we are all MUSLIM.  whether we follow the law's or not.

This classification has even further eroded Muslim female relationships. You might have the right choose how to dress, you don't have the right affect the identity of all Muslim women. Just like how you would want to be respected for your choices, so should you respect others for their's.

Let us all respect each others right to choose and not question it. We all have our own road to walk and don't need extra baggage that made up classifications bring.

Monday, January 14, 2013


I am just annoyed.

I'm annoyed at life and myself.

I have 10 things I need to do, 100 things I want to do and about 1000 idea's swimming in my brain and absolutely no output whatsoever.

I hate this weather. It's hot coolness makes me want to be outside. It also reminds me of something I long forgot, or maybe a dream I had, I'm not sure.

The feeling is uneasy, anticipating and nostalgic.

I want to go home and climb into my bed.

Friday, January 4, 2013

My dear friend

You bathe in your piety in front of me as if you were bathing in the fountain of youth. As if you now have holy blood in your veins. You’ve forgotten that you once walked in the darkness. I am glad for your enlightenment, really I am. But understand this, my dear friend; your enlightenment is not a seat of glory. It is not a medal of honour or a knighthood that you can boast about.

Your enlightenment came at a price. Do you not remember that? That you once dwelled in darkness, blind and unchanged. But now that you have found His love you dare to forget? Forget all the things that you have done? And all the things you are able to still do!

You will not find salvation is the war against other people’s sins. Salvation is only found in The One. The peace you find, when you see The One in everything He has created.

Guard your enlightenment my friend, because it is a fickle thing. One wrong step and the light will leave you and you will have no one else to blame but yourself.

It is easy to see the wrong doing of people. All their sins sing out to you like a beautiful siren, tempting your mind to forgo the light and enter the comfort of the darkness once more. I know that is why you rage against the sinners. You scream and claw at their faces in an effort to protect yourself. But what you don’t realise, is that before you know it, your hands will be covered with the blood of all the people you have condemned and corrupted, with your disdain for weakness.

Everyone knows that you are the weakest of us all. As you read this you are remembering all the things that you have done. And the darkness where you have dwelt. But let me tell you something dear friend, you have not seen true darkness.

When you have stared into it, and watched how it moved, and changed and grew. How it formed its red eyes, which pierces your soul. When it smiled at you with an evil knowing and bared its razor sharp fangs. When you watched as it came towards you salivating. And the only thing holding you is a bone crushing fear. When you have seen such darkness and are able to come back into the light. That is the day that you can begin to comprehend the true struggle of others.

Come out of the fountain my friend, cover yourself, wash your hands and be thankful. Be kind and understanding. And remember that the price that you paid for your enlightenment is something that will never leave you. And no matter how many people you try and save, the only one that you can save is yourself. Be grateful for your enlightenment, and take care of it. Be in service of people, with love and compassion. And one day, maybe, we will meet again. If He wills it.