Tuesday, October 9, 2012

6 Shades of T

      Okay, so I did it.
      
      I plunged into the world I said I never would.

I read 50 Shades of Grey. All of them. Now I'm part of the masses that are completely in love with Christian Grey.  *sigh*

Here is what I want the haters to understand. If you haven’t ever read a Mills and Boon or those rapture books etc. This book is NOT for you. You won’t understand in the context that the book was written in, or why it’s so graphic.

And it is graphic. Sometimes even disgusting. But I take it with a pinch of salt.

As an anthropologist it was very interesting to read. The whole S&M thing really is a culture and lifestyle that people (consenting adults) ascribe to. Hey, I don’t judge. And from what I understand this book is quite clean compared to some other things.

There are a few things that really struck me.
                  
                 1.       The Nature of the Relationship

One of the most fascinating things for me was the design of the S&M relationship. So picture this. You have a relationship that is based completely on trust. If you don’t trust that person with everything in you, you could die (literally). And the most amazing thing for me is the trust is returned. Because as partners you both read and signed a contract that stipulates things you will and will not do and you stick to it.  

Maybe it’s because I come from the world I come from that a relationship like that to me seems strange. I don’t trust anyone. And I asked myself, what would it be like to be able to trust someone like that? I think pretty darn great. Some might say that in a marriage you have that type of relationship, but I know many women who would disagree.

I have always had issues about power in a relationship. The fact that you have to “ask” someone else who is not your parent, can do you this or can you go there really grated my coconuts. But after I read this book, I got it. *light bulb moment*

The woman (sub) trusts the man (dom) so much that she gives him power over her comings and goings (tying up and what not’s). By allowing the man to make decisions ‘for’ you is in no way dis-empowering  Actually, it gives you more power. Because you can take away his power at any point in time (Saying the safe word).  And really, who has more power? The one yielding it? Or the one who can take it away? *raised eyebrow*
I really found no difference in the structure of the relationship (besides physical activities) between Christian Grey & Anastasia Steele and a Muslim Indian[1] couple from South Africa.[2]

           2.       Pain vs. Pleasure

When you exercise you release good hormones. What your body is actually doing is ripping apart the muscle and then growing it back again. And apparently, if your body didn't release all those hormones you would die of pain. 

There is also this research that found that the same part of the brain that gets stimulated when you love someone who doesn't love you back is the same part of the brain that gets stimulated when you take drugs.
So here you have this dichotomy. Whether you’re experiencing physical or emotional pain, you feel good about it. How many people allow them to be used, abused emotionally or physically, and hurt over and over again by those who apparently love them? Yet they stay.

So the idea that physical pain can feel good, I understand on a logical level.

                   3.       What I loved....

Christian Grey...arrives!  She needs him and he is there. Automatically *swoon* *sigh* *tear*.  And yes, I know its fiction, and he doesn't exist and no man is really like that. But what my dear male readers don’t realise is that that is the way to a woman’s heart...to try...to actually be there...to arrive when she needs you.
The money and good looks didn't hurt the situation either.

*Oh but when he wears the tie! Major Swoon*
                        
                     4.        Fundamentally....

This fad should tell you more about the readers, than the writer’s imagination:

No matter how independent a woman gets, she always needs someone. And all we want is to be loved and to be shown love.

No matter how perfect the man may seem ladies - he has issues. Always.  There is no running away from that. There is no perfect man. Just one that is perfect for you. And the sooner we actually realise practice this, the better.

                     5.       The Movie...

In Books, you can stretch the imagination, you say things that there is no possible way for that to happen, but in movies....that’s a whole different other story. The fact that they want to make this in a movie really boggles my mind. They really are taking this whole marketing to a different level. It will be interesting to see how they do it though. The speculation of who will play Mr. Grey is actually fun to watch. Here is my picks:  

I'd like to introduce you to Mr. No name. In movies with such hype its better to use unknown actors than known ones. Like Ryan Gosling? Hell No! 


 This is a Spanish actor - can't remember his name now...
  
But the Winner is (and exception) - Henry Cavill aka New Superman- I love him. *serious face* 



         6. What I didn't like

If anyone wanted to know what would have happened to Edward and Bella had he not been a vampire. This book is the answer. Why so many women are in love with this type of characters is beyond me. Because they are not realistic[1.1] especially the females, Edward more unrealistic than Grey, but even Grey pushes that boundary. And that is not even including the whole Vampire thing.

Morality is a fine line. And the more you push it, the more the meaning of it changes. This eventually changes people and then changes society. So every time you push the concept of what is disgusting or bad, you end up with a product that is worse than the previous. Making the previous no longer bad but ‘normal’. This book does that, and I don’t think people really understand the consequences of that.

This book is not suitable for teenagers. And the fact that mothers are encouraging their teenage daughters to read the books is really a sign of where we are as a society.  F*&@ up[1.2].  It’s normal to hide it away from parents - not flashing it around and publishing it on Facebook. *more disgusting than the book*

The use of the words[1.3] is what makes this book different to the other “mommy porn” books. They have been around for a very very long time, but the words they used were gentle... not in your face descriptions. My favourite is the books written in the 70-80’s they had very strong family values. And the words are not so crude. But their clothes were a whole different story. That is where I learned that if I didn't like what a character was wearing I would change it.

1 210 words later and what I really want you to know is that it’s just a love story.
Thought this was funny



[1] It is a special recipe of Muslim and Indian that creates a Muslim Indian – the culture is very different.
             [2] South African Muslim Indians have a very different culture    
[1.1] This is fiction and we should enjoy it for that. But by making aspects of a character real, it makes it easier to lie to you.
[1.2] Fucked up
[1.3] ‘Her womanly wanting’ funny but gets the job done