Monday, December 31, 2012

Zipping up 2012

I'm at the office...alone.

I'm sure there is no one in the building besides me and the security guards. I'm trying to sum up this year...and when I think about it, thank the Almighty, its been a good one.

I don't know if its just me, but it seems like New Year is on steroids or something. Maybe everyone is just glad they didn't die on the 21st of December. Hahahaha. 

I've learned a lot about myself. Some things I'd rather not know, but I'm glad I do. 

One of the things I've learned is that relationships is like The Equation. Some times the variables on their own, look good. You think they will work out, but once you put it in the equation, it just doesn't. No matter which way you try. And sometimes...the variables, look horrible. They are not going to work out, you know it. But then you put it in the equation and it works. I'm no longer looking for the variable that looks perfect. Now, I'm looking for the one that in an equation will work out. 

Another is that, I'm a deep thinker, a talker, a questioner. I have a deep desire to live life to the fullest. And even when I try to go with the flow, I don't. Cause I think that you have to LIVE life, not just exist.  But that doesn't fall in line with the greater scheme of things. And that's fine. I've come to accept my place in society. I'll pretend to be in charge, I'll talk, think, dream, wonder, know....and then realise that none of it is the way I thought it would be. And ultimately, I will be grateful for the fact that I am not in charge. 

But the most important lesson I've learned is the value of praying for something and then doing your utmost to make it happen. Until the sweat runs down your cheek, until you can't breath any more, until you feel like you have to stop, you go further than that and you find what you are looking for.

Considering that for Muslims, this is like the 3rd new years (the first new years is a spiritual one where your book of life is opened and what is destined for the next year will be written down, the second is the islamic new year and this the third) I take no stock in the importance of the date. Only a marker that says...last chance ;)  

So...Happy New Year to everyone...whether first or third...lets make the new years resolutions count. Mine is to banish Laziness to the wastelands. 


Wednesday, December 19, 2012

*sniff* Change. The world is rank with it.

I don’t know what it is, whether it’s the Mayan predication, or the fact that I’m changing jobs, but I feel change in the air.

Good or bad, only time will tell.  

I’m scared, because I don’t want the change to change who I am in a bad way. I’m all for good change. The bad change, you don’t see coming and it leaves you recovering for many years.  COD’s don’t deal well with change. We try and keep things as normal and stable as possible.

But can growth ever come from stable? Don’t think so.

So here we are, two days before the Mayan prediction. I don’t think the world is going to end, but I do think it’s going to change. I think it has been changing for several years now, but we use logic and science and past experiences as excuses. “This must have happened before, so its normal”. And we forget to take a moment and see what is happening around us and the speed at which it is happening.

And there is nothing that we can do to stop it. Or is it? Can a prophecy be delayed or prevented from happening? If it can’t than what is the point of the prophecy? But we learn from Angel, that whether we try and change the prophecy or not, it still comes true. So the lesson is???

To try anyway. We need to try and be as good and kind as we can be. We need to try and be better than what we are. Because after all, once we die our judgement day begins. That is the end of our world.  

I really wish the anxiety would go away though. Whatever is going to happen must just happen.  "I don't want to be in a battle. But waiting on the edge of one I can't escape is even worse".

And yes, I can relate just about anything to Lord of the Rings. 

Monday, December 3, 2012


In the past 10 years an ‘awakening’ of some kind has occurred where people of all religions and backgrounds has become kind of obsessed with “destiny”. As well as the inevitable question...choice or destiny?

I’ve come to an understanding about destiny. It’s simple. It’s none of your business.

What matters are the choices we make, the people we are and who we affect. The grand master plan is not for us to understand. All we have to know is that there is a greater purpose for everything and we are just a small cog in a very big machine. But that doesn’t mean that anything we do, is done in isolation.

It is complex and complicated and it is not for us to understand. Just to know that something like this exists. The problem is, when you go through tough times, you sit and wonder ‘could I have changed it?’; ‘is this my destiny?’

“You are a man plagued by those two words...what if” (the time machine).

We hope, that by understanding destiny and choice that somehow we can out smart pain, loss, hurt. But it doesn’t work like that. The more we try and understand, the more confused we get because it is not for us to understand. Just to know.

Right now it feels like my whole life is in limbo. I’m frustrated by standing still. And even though I’m a little afraid of moving forward I want to. I try and push and move, but life just tells me “SIT STILL, don’t move, your time will come”. I know I should enjoy this time, but there is a nagging feeling, ‘am i missing something by standing still?’

But if you are not in control of your destiny, why do you think that by moving you can hurry it along?
Sometimes I’m such a know-it-all, that I want punch my own face.

*deep breath*

Let life happen....good or bad, all is as it should be. My job is to arrive prepared!