Instead of complaining....laugh

Lately my facebook page has begun to look like one of those awful FW: emails. I hate those emails, you wanna seriously irritate me, send me a FW: email. I delete them straight away. But for some reason having them on facebook is just different. Funnier and much more needed.

It’s started with me just needing to laugh, to drum up some positive energy because I got so sick and tired of people (including myself) complaining that it’s Monday or celebrating its Friday. Is that not the saddest thing you’ve ever seen? People who only live for the weekends? There has to be more to life than that. I remember a time when I lived for Monday morning (yes I was stupid) but it was really nice. I got five good days and two okay days. That’s what life should be like.

It really got me thinking about how we as people approach life. For many of us, it’s like all we tend to do is complain and gossip. Even if we have nothing to complain about (we always find something to gossip about). We get so use to complaining and being unhappy that when we have an opportunity to be happy we don’t know how to be. So we complain and be unhappy about all the things our ‘happiness’ lacks.

Happiness is something that comes and goes. One day you happy the next day you are not. I’ve come to accept that for what it is. And not try to make it last longer, I now try and enjoy every second of it. We get so consumed with trying to find happiness, to be happy to look happy to others and what do we do if we don’t have it? We complain about the fact that we are not happy. Instead of making ourselves happy.

I think the one thing I’ve learned is that complaining doesn’t help anything. You can discuss, argue even bitch now and then but complaining is that nagging monotone reasoning you tell yourself or others about why things never really worked out.

I am not good at letting the past go, but it has dawn on me more this year that holding on, is just stupid. It’s like Elena told Stephan on Vampire Diaries “I won’t love a ghost for the rest of my life”.

How many ghosts do we love? In the form of would be or ex lovers. Times in our lives like high school or University. Or thinking about how life should be. It’s cool to remember and reminisce but to love it, and miss it as if it was present in your life is insane.

I’m tired of loving ghosts.

I have two wishes for the world this Friday, I wish people would stop complaining and people should stop gossiping (including me). Just how what other people think is none of your business, so too what other people do is none of your business.

Muslim Identity on SABC2

Major Props to the speakers on the show ‘Muslim Identity’ on SABC 2 for having the courage to say what they think (which is shared by a lot of people I think). It’s never easy to go on a public space and be who you are, people are much too judgemental. So standing ovation for you all!!!

The show started off about being ‘muslim’ and then in went on to the highly contest space of “race” or more appropriately culture, maybe subtly but it was there. I do think they should have had an anthropologist on the show...not because I’m bias, but because they study society and culture. If you’re going to talk about buildings you gonna have to talk to an engineer no?

So as a Muslim anthropologist...this is what I’ve got to say:

Identity is probably some the most difficult theory to deal with (besides religion) in anthropology. Why? Because you cannot calculate it, you can’t box, you can’t label it and therefore it makes it very difficult to understand it. So the short version is:

Identity is something that is created through negotiation. Negotiation between the society you are born into, the practices that you are taught to do, the practices that you want to do, your religion, your social standing or ‘class’ and your experiences. (and any other experience that affects your thinking)

Because Islam has no restrictions on cultural expressions (as long as it does not contravene Islamic law), the Muslim person needs to now negotiate between what they believe and what they were taught to practice (their culture).

The identity is created through a relationship BETWEEN culture and religion and not through the giving up the one for the other. That is why you will find many different groups with different practices but the same belief system.

And that is the problem. Some times when religion should be given preference, culture is...and thus leading to a transgression of the religious law i.e. gham issues. I’m going to say this AGAIN!!!Culture and religion is NOT the same thing. They are intertwined, sometimes confused, but they are NOT...I repeat NOT...the same thing. Because there is this space in Islam to practice your culture, MANY Muslims often blur the lines. Which is not necessarily wrong, but it is not Islamic either.

Now the big problem comes in when we look at our leaders and scholars in the Muslim community. Their culture becomes a part of their public image and by in large the message that they have. Because a Muslim scholar will ascribe to a certain school of thought. And this school of thought is often ascribed to by many people of the same culture; the school of thought is then given a culture by default. People then label each other, because as humans we can only really understand something if it’s labelled. So Muslim Indians are Hanafi, Muslim Malays are Shafi, and the ‘progressive Muslims’ are all Sufi. This of cause is wrong but it does not stop it from happening.

The way black and white Muslims negotiate their culture is very tricky. And really that was the best part of the show. It’s like they are left in the wind. The only reason is because the Indians and Malays had a much longer time to learn how to deal with issues between their culture and religion and were able to organise themselves and align themselves with a specific school of thought.

If you look closely the tensions between culture and religion still exist. So what the black and white Muslims should do (and are probably doing) is negotiate with their culture as a group. Jessica Aisha said something about being Afrikaner Israeli Muslim...and that it not always is able to co-exist. And I just want to tell her, that being Muslim and Indian does not always co-exist either. Culture is static, always changing and growing. You will find away to keep some stuff get rid of others, and poof a new Identity is born. And your children and their children will carry on the traditions. And there is nothing wrong with that.

Now as a normal watcher of the show:

The fact that Muslim Indians are seen as “racist” not only to ‘other people’ but to people of their own kind (the whole gham thing again) is not exactly a secrete. So I don’t understand the big issue with Zuhayra actually asking the question out right. I am so proud of Jessica Aisha saying that Men actually go to these centres looking for white revert females to marry. *STANDING OVATION*. It’s not a nice thing hear on such a public sphere but sometimes you need to. Instead of Muslim Indians coming out guns blazing about all the things that was wrong with the show, first have the guts to admit “Yes, we can be racist at times...even to our own people”. Only when we...yes I said we...start acknowledging what is wrong in our society and the part we play in it, then can we change it.

Someone has to tell these people that what they are doing is wrong. Because they sit in the enclaves, protected by people who are a part of the same enclave who are leaders and scholars, who make excuses for them and you know what? Nothing changes. (Just so that you know I’ve been using the word enclave long before the show)

It’s not easy to say what you think. The show was just a representation of a few peoples opinions and ideas and research. It’s not a blanket idea...but it spoke about many things that I have said myself, thought about and questions that I’ve asked. It was just a poker in the flames.

I smell a follow up.

Answer me

I don't really do this. But these questions are different. So...consider yourself tagged if you read this.

Do you like feet?

Only clean ones.

Have you ever bitten anybody?

When I was younger yes

Have you ever had a crush on your teacher?

Not really, I thought Mr Schoeman was cute that’s all.

Do you ever go to parties?

Sometimes

Do you have more than 20 friends?

I think so...wait lemme count....one...two...yeah maybe

Do you like mustard?

Only the one and Jimmy’s Killer Fish and chips, other than that not really.

Do you eat dog treats?

No *vomit*

Have you ever eaten an insect?

By mistake yes, once a fly flew into my mouth. It was just bad timing.

Do you like to jump rope?

When I was younger yes. We use to play England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales.

Do you ever shoot fireworks into the water?

No.

Do you ever swim in lakes?

No. Lakes freak me out. Ever since I went to the vaal dam and had the feeling of mud between my toes *yuck*

Do you like to eat raw meat?

Does tuna count. I like tuna.

Have you ever hugged your cat or dog?

When I was younger yes. Now...I don’t have either.

Do you have a fish?

Nope.

Can you do a hand stand?

Nope. Not even in the pool #yeahiknow

What’s with the....

New changes on fb...yuck....actually making me think again about having a facebook page. And I never ever thought of deleting it until now.

Speaking of facebook....with all the changes I wonder if those long name groups like “he doesn’t know what he has until its gone, which is you, cause you a princess and he will never ever get anyone like you ever again” will finally go away

Speaking of which...seriously? You joined a group like that just after you went “from a relationship” to “single”? Why not just put it on your status, that your boyfriend is a royal ass! Leading you on for four years (there is that 4 again!!!) and then changing his mind about marrying you.

Speaking of which...do you think we are stupid? Opening your profile so that said ex, which is now no longer your facebook friend, can see all the men that are drooling over you? He did the same, which is making me wonder, why the hell you two don’t just get back together...it’s probably because of all the younger prettier ass that is scattered all over his wall...I get why you guys broke up now.

Speaking of which....if people cared as much about their neighbours, friends, family, ozone layer, world peace and such as they do about the breaking up of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore, the world would be a much better place.

Speaking of which...I am the only one in the world that thinks the world is just a shit place to live in right now?? Anyone with happy stories please email me...I need a lift.

Speaking of which...I don’t get how grown ass men can stand on the side of the road hiking and when I drive by they get disappointed at me not giving them a lift...I’m like what world do you live in, where you even think it’s okay to ask a single woman to give a lift?? Effen psycho’s

Speaking of which, I’m not a psycho for stalking...if you don’t want anyone looking at your page...then don’t open it!!!

Speaking of which....what’s with all these applications of “found out who is looking at your profile” if you have friends on your facebook that you don’t want looking at your page, then here’s an idea...DELETE them!! Why do you have them on your page anyway...just so that everyone knows, I look at all my friends pages...if you don’t want me looking at your stuff then DELETE me!

Speaking of which...I’m too nice sometimes. I keep assholes on my page, because I can’t handle them knowing I deleted them. But I know I should...nothing good comes from having assholes on your page.

Speaking of which...if one more stranger starts a conversation with me, joking about going on holiday or wanting to give me a massage, I’m going to copy the conversation and post it here. What the hell is wrong with you? You can’t go out and try and pick up girls like a normal asshole? Why you gotta start a conversation with all the sex you not having? I don’t care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Speaking of which...I’m absolutely shocked at the fact, that if you not having sex, your made to be some kind of weirdo, and if you are then your normal (Out of wedlock or not). What is with this crazy world that we live in? It is anybody’s business? People need to get a hobby like trying to cure diseases instead of spreading them.

Speaking of which.... I said this before, I will say it again. Sex and the City is FICTION, movie, tv show, not real life. *rolling eyes*

Speaking of which....why do people say *bbm hands over eyes* or something like that. If you say *hands over eyes*, people will understand no? Why say bbm? I think that’s really really stupid.

Speaking of which...I take great comfort in people ability to be stupid. If they weren’t they would have figured out stuff, which I wouldn’t want them to know. Lol.

Speaking of which...I use lol too much. Really I’m trying to point out the fact that I’m joking and not that I’m laughing. OMG is a close second. I actually said it out loud oh emm gee...once...or twice...or five times.

*phew* finally the no 4 has stopped taunting me.

*grrrrr*

I took my love out of the vault. And now its floating around and teasing me. It’s not like before though. I see the vault has changed it. It hasn’t been fed by hope or delusional thoughts. So it’s not so strong. That makes me sad. Its like I’m watching the most beautiful part of me die.

But I have to be real about this. What did I think was going to happen? He was going to fall into my arms and say “I have come for you” with wind blowing through his hair. Seriously, there comes a moment in life, when you have to realise that living in a dream kills the life your living.

I just wish it would stop floating around. Cause I’m feeding it again with my stupid delusional thoughts. Gotta catch it and put back in the vault. Oh but how I want to just dive into it...recently the thought of sending an anonymous email crossed my mind. But I wouldn’t want someone to do that to me, so I won’t do that. Maybe a fake facebook profile? No *shaking may head* gotta think about this rationally.

But I will forever be haunted by that number.

4.

Seems like such a big number sometimes and other times so small. I know thats not the only reason...he doesn’t like me. Because if he did, he would have said so. Its as simple as that. Or is it? Either way it’s time to catch that little sucker and put him back in the vault.

Its time to love me enough to do the best thing for me.

Women & Praying

I can’t believe that its already the last few days of Ramadaan. I just want to freeze these moments. Never mind I’m exhausted and thirsty and hungry all the time. I still wish that these moments could last forever.

As we start getting nearer to Eid, a familiar argument is making its way the surface again. The question of whether women are allowed to attend the Eid Prayer or not. Many women fight for the right to go. I’m like, just become shafi and it won’t be a problem. *chuckle*

What I find strange is that women, throughout the year, don’t say anything about attending mosque on a Friday, which is a very holy day for muslim, according to some even more than Eid. Why do we not fight to attend the Friday lecture?

But really this argument is much larger than attending the Eid Prayer. What this lends itself to is arguments about whether women should be allowed to go to mosque at all and to a greater degree, a women’s role in society.

All of it is connected because Islam is a religion that is deeply rooted in the community. That is why “the men” pray as one, standing shoulder to shoulder. No man greater or lesser than the other. Because as we stand to pray in front of Allah we are all equal.

I watched a very interesting documentary by Canadian Zarqa Nawaz, called ‘Me and the Mosque’. She goes to different mosques looking at the female section and its issues. In some mosques in Canada they didn’t have a partition dividing men and women (women would pray at the back of the men) and then they put up a partition. The women became outraged.

Here were these women, now suddenly being shunned from the community and banned from “praying as one”. Because if something was a whole and you put a line through it, you get two parts. What did this mean? That just because they were female, they were not worthy to ask question or take part in Islamic discussions? Or because they were female they were not worthy to be seen? (This needs a whole post on its own)

But they are lucky, because at least for a while they were able to experience the mosque as a place where people could ask questions, share and learn. And not only worship. The Mosque was the heart of the community.

In South Africa, it’s very different. The Hanafi’s are not allowed to go to mosque. And the Shafi’s have very small sections for women that are often completely separate for the women. So it’s a room within the mosque. Again divided by walls.

This got me really thinking. Women and roles they play is society as we all know is a highly contested subject. But you know why I think that is? Because as muslim women we can’t agree between ourselves what it is and what it means. So how can we expect Muslim men, or the rest of the non-muslim world to understand?

So the problem here is not the men, who constantly want to own us. It’s us women who fail to define “us”.

One day, I went to the Sandton Prayer room, and was very shocked at what I found. There were women waiting outside in a line to pray. And when I glanced inside, you found women standing with gaps in-between them, some sitting down, others having missed a few spots in front. The places that could have been filled with women can’t be reached because there are too many people to bypass. And for a moment I thought, “Yip! It’s a good thing we don’t have to go to mosque.” I wanted to carry on like a real Apa and tell them, “shift up, shoulder to shoulder, if you not praying leave”.

The university Jamaat Khana is no different, maybe even worse. While some girls are praying, others are talking to each other, laughing and lying around. Apa T wanted to come out again and ask them, “Is this a picnic spot? That you sitting having long long conversations?” But I didn’t, after all, I’m not their Apa.

I was having a conversation once, with a few Apa’s when the one said to the other “Women shouldn’t go to Mosque” the other replied “It’s true, Women don’t know the Adaab of the Mosque”.

Well my question is “Did anyone teach them?” If you were taught that you can’t go to mosque, why would you bother finding out, what you should and shouldn’t do? But I have a lot of respect for these Apa’s, so I didn’t say anything because let’s face it, who am I to comment on such stuff?

But this nagging feeling in my gut tells me something different. Looking at the Sadton prayer room I realised that it so indicative of the state female relationships are today. We are not unified. “We scattered, leaderless” everyone doing their own thing, taking up too much space not worried about their sisters/mothers/aunts in Islam.

The problem with being taught to read salaah at home is that you are not standing next to anyone or in front or behind. So when you are forced to read in a crowed you would stand very far away from each other. The touching of shoulders (if you forced to stand next to each other) is a strange feeling and can also disturb your concentration.

For me it’s not whether or not women are allowed to go to Eid Prayer/Mosque or not. It’s what are we doing with the spaces that we have?

When it comes to prayer, the rules that apply to the men should apply to the women as well. I’ve heard plenty of times the Imaams telling the boys, don’t where this type of t-shirt or that jeans to mosque. The boys in my madressa use to get scolded if they didn’t wear a kurta to salaah. Men still have their issues with each other; this uncle stole that uncles topie when he was in high school. Men are known to sit outside the mosque and skinner (gossip) even though the Imaams tell them not to.

So how different would it have been, if they told the women not to do the same?
Before we get all upset about attending the Eid Prayer, let us first organise ourselves! This is a really good site that states what you can and can’t do in the mosque. This should be practised in all prayer rooms as well.

Shafi women lead the salaah when it is a room full of women only. In my heart I believe this is the right thing. Because again, Islam is routed in the community and when we pray in a group we should pray as one. I believe that by praying together, women will foster a deeper bond with each other. Maybe it is a road to our salvation. That we as muslim women can become kinder to each other, more forgiving to each other, defend each other’s honour. If you have love and respect for your muslim sister, you will not “steal” her husband, slander her behind her back and allow her to go down a path of self destruction.

It’s not about how badly the men treat us or how they ignore us. What really matters is how we treat each other. The whole point of Jumma Salaah and Eid Salaah, is that it is done in a group. So this Friday, do your cooking early. Put on radio Islam and listen to the lecture with your fellow muslim sisters. You can pray on your own, or together in a group, but the key here is that you are together.

P.S...sorry for the working women, this is not an option. Oh how I dream of days, when I’m a house wife *smiling face* Please note that I'm not an Aalima, Imaaan etc...but these are my thoughts

Two Words

Writers Block.

Speaking of Fairy Tales....

How do you take a Fairy Tale and turn it into a movie that contemporary, real and still sticks to the story line and the moral it teaches?

One word. Beastly.



This movie was absolutely sweet. I had my doubts, but I still paid to watch it, because Beauty and the Beast is one of my all time favourite fairy tales.
Granted the acting here and there veered on the fake side. But the costumes’ and characters were really cool. And my favourite part is the rose and the way they worked it into the story.

Something I never realised is that in Beauty and the Beast, the Witch is good. In all the other fairy tales the witch is bad.

Every other modern-day fairy tale movie I’ve watched looks fake and stupid compared to this. You see every fairy tale has a lesson that is learned. And the lesson was not about how your prince will come and save you. In all of them, the lesson is the triumph of good over evil.

In Cinderella, the lesson was that people should look beyond a person’s status to find love. It was not a display of teenage fantasy which ends is a catchy pop song.
Ever After, is one of my all time favourite movies, but its set in “Once upon a time” like 17 or 18th century?? It exchanged magic for science, but still very well done.

In this regard, as corny as Beastly got, it was also very real. Because no matter how enlightened we become, today people still don’t look beyond a perception of Beauty to who we really are. This lesson is more apt today than it has ever been.

To everyone who worked on Beastly...well done people, I will be buying the original DVD copy of this.

"You wanna sow oats? Become a Farmer"

I’ve been blaming fairy tales for a while now.

They make us believe that a Prince will soon come and save us. That happily ever after is possible. And that if we are good we are beautiful. This essentially becomes the foundation of our love lives or lack thereof. And ultimately one of the biggest disappointments in a girl’s life.

But then I thought, wait a minute. Where are the boys in this? Were they not in the same class as us in primary school? Did they not listen to the same stories that we did?
They were there, when the evil witch tried to destroy the beautiful young princess, and when the prince rode on his white horse and saved the princess...the boys participated in the collective sigh at the end of the story.

So my question is...where the hell did men get the whole afraid of commitment thing???
Essentially, men and women both learn the same things when they are young. You have to grow up, get a nice job, don’t make or come home pregnant and then you can get married, have children and live happily ever after. And more so for a Muslim Man.

As Muslims we are taught that getting married completes half of your faith...the other half, well that’s in your hands.

And yet today guys are like ‘I don’t want to get married and I don’t want to get tied down’....I’m like WTF??? Where the hell did you get that from??? Nothing about your upbringing, both in ‘western knowledge’ or religious teachings ever told you anything about ‘playing the field’ or ‘sowing your oats’. You wanna sow oats? Become a farmer.

Everything about the human condition, the nature of who we truly are, is embedded in our ability to connect with each other. The anti-social people have their own special place. It’s called a mental institution and there is a reason for that. If we cannot connect, we die. Literally. New born baby’s without human contact die, no matter how healthy they are.

But the other side of this coin is that some people take this need for connection to an extreme. So they try connecting to lots of people, because the more they connect, the more they crave the connection. And it doesn’t live up to their expectations so they think the next connection is going to be better and it isn’t.

I would like to meet a real life, Samantha Jones that is happy with her life, who she is and her choices and all of this before she watched or knew about Sex and the City. Because let’s face it, people see things on TV and think they can do it in real life. There should have been a warning: please don’t try this at home, before Sex and The City started.

People....let us remember one thing....Samantha Jones is a FICTIONAL CHARACTER. In other words she does not exist. Maybe parts of her are based on a real person, but parts does not a real person make. Okay that sounded better than it looks, but anyway the point is that she is not real. Neither is Carrie or any of the other girls. And it makes me really wonder when people name fictional characters as their hero. *shaking head*

As for the whole 'men can just zip up and walk out' this is false. I know men, who cheated on their wives for years and they are as empty as any women in their position. Maybe it takes longer for the emotions to kick in for men than women...but the Lord sees all. And the day will come, when that belt that they've been making notches on, is used to hang themselves. Because they end up feeling empty and alone just like the women.

I think we should stop looking at how different men and women are and start realising that we are more alike than we are different. Because we are all human, we all need the same things to survive. Maybe we just don’t get it in the same way.

If there is a high divorce rate, it means one thing. There is a higher marriage rate. More people are getting married than getting divorced. Which means as much as men sit on their ‘I don’t want to get married' horse. What they don’t realise is that, that horse is white. And as much as women are waiting to be saved, they are waiting to save them.

I have a new boyfriend....

And his name is Thor!

I was not familiar with Thor and I’m actually glad about that. I watched the movie with fresh eyes. I enjoyed the movie though it was nothing extra ordinary. As for the character, the taming of the cocky beautiful man is not really one of my favourite story lines for a superhero, but this one has changed me. The casting gets five stars from me. It was a good introduction for the Avengers. Which is probably the most anticipated Marvel movie...ever. Well for me anyway.

In the meantime...he makes me smile.

Okay drool....

Bad Girl

I'm a bad bad girl.

I really am.

Why can't I just leave well enough alone!!!

I just get myself into situations.

Give me Fiction!

I hate real stories. It’s so depressing. When I read a book, I want to be transported to another dimension. I want to believe that the impossible is possible, that perfection is normal and that happy endings occur.

South African fiction for me tends to be too real. Too depressing. Apparently Spud is good, but the last time I listen to someone, about an SA book I was sorely disappointed.

There is something about Fiction. You wonder about every character, every word and what part of the writer is hidden in them. That is the best thing about fiction for me. Science Fiction , Action, Romance...all of it. It is very difficult for a good writer not to write pieces of themselves in their work. “Write what you know”, I heard that in movie or somewhere before. It makes sense to me.

I believe that a writers emotions should be real, the events does not really need to be. And you can sort figure out, which writer writes of pain but has not really been in love.

I went to a presentation once where a Professor in History was delivering a paper about memory and fiction in History. Basically he was asking how much of what we remember is fictionalised and how much is real, and how can Historians tell the difference.

The first rule in ethnography is that the researcher is as much part of the story as the informants. And this I think is a very important part in storytelling. You cannot really tell a ‘truthful’ story. Not really, because your version of the truth and the other participants will be different. Because we don’t all understand the same emotions the same way. Therefore, you can never really write non-fiction biography of your life. How do we as the readers know that the writer is not bending the truth? Because it is very difficult to write without letting the work take you where it needs to go.

I don’t like non-fiction. I accept Historical accounts with a whole spoonful of salt and everything else to me (besides academic work) is a version of fiction. It’s just people won’t admit to it.

Give me Fiction! Let me dive into the words; let it transport me to adventures beyond my imagination! Let me dream! *sigh*

But you see the problem is that fiction killed us.

Instead of us watching fiction and thinking, ‘wow, can you imagine if life was really like that’ we thinking to ourselves ‘wow, that is actually possible’.

When did this happen? When did fiction become reality? While I love fiction and I think it has the ability to show us reality in a way that we never seen before, I do not for one second think any of it is actually really possible.

Fiction has ruined us to a great degree. We have lost touch with what is real, normal and in the moment. While I love to fly off to Never Never land, the truth is when I get back; there are dishes for me to wash. There are rooms that need to be cleaned. Life needs to be lived.

I took the name Trinity, because I loved the character Trinity in the Matrix. But I look at fiction differently now so I’ve changed my name on the blog. I will always love fiction, but I think I’ve realised that we can get too caught up in it, and not live real life.

Good Advice

"No amount of guilt can change the past & no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs is determined by Allah's decree. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from you it cannot flee."

Do you know this man?

Does he look familiar to you? I’m sure you’ve seen him before. I’m sure you have an idea of who he is.But I don’t think you know who he really is. Some people call him the grim reaper. Others, the angle of death.



I don’t. I call him The Collector. The Collector waits for us you see. Everytime we hurt someone, every bad action or even intention we have, he waits for it. And then he follows us.



Waiting in the shaddows, until what we have in life is an equal price to pay for what we have done. And then he takes it from us.



You see in life, everything we do has a price. Some people understand this as “you reap what you sow” or “karma”. I don’t. I see it as the The Collector coming for you. Taking that which you love and value away from you. In order to pay for that which you have stolen, taken, or lied about.

Consider this a fair warning, that nothing you do in this life will help you escape him. He is not God, he is not a being of any form or shape. He lies within you. The perfect knowledge or will of God. Don’t believe me?

Then you will need a room, light and a mirror. Place the light at one end of a room and the mirror at the other. Now stand infront of the mirror. What do you see?

'You cannot hide’ *evil Souron voice* from yourslef.

Kicked in the Face

I got kicked in the face once. I kid you not. No real damage, just a split lip and even that wasn’t so bad. But I wanted to cry. Because I got kicked in the face. You would cry too if it happened to you.

But it only happened once. I learned my lesson from that day onwards. Always keep your hands up to protect yourself. Always. No matter what. No matter how weak you think your opponent is. Always keep your hands up. And when I taught my kids in karate, I would tell them the very same thing. “Keep your hands up! Do you wanna get kicked in the face?”

Falling in love (with someone who doesn't love you back) is like being kicked in the face. From day one, you are taught to keep your hands up, but because of sheer laziness you don’t. In your gut you know it’s coming, you know how to block, how to protect yourself. And then you realise that your negligence, your need for that adrenaline, leads to a very distinctive whacking sound then seeing stars that leaves you spitting out blood.

I got kicked in face once. Left me spitting out blood. It wasn’t that bad. Left me with a split lip and seeing stars for a while. I should have kept my arms up. But really who lives like that? You can’t keep your hands up forever.
Eventually you will lose your concentration, you’ll put your hands down and then *Bam* *stars* *spitting blood*

Random Musings

Last night was the first time, in a long time, I drank tea when it was hot. I was sipping it and thought ‘this is how you suppose to drink tea’, not fill half hot, half cold and then gulp it down.

I’m waiting in anticipation. I’ve read the blogs on being single and looking for a wife. He has a wife, now...so where’s the blog on married life? Or am I missing something?

I thought Christchurch was a church. I’m blond I know.

The agony of love feels just as good as the feeling of love sometimes.

I’m not as good at change as I thought I was. I need time. To think. To be. To feel. Then I’ll be okay.

I’m beginning to wonder if having a loveless, irritating marriage is something I can’t avoid.

Love is just absolute bullshit.

Burnt my tongue with oats this morning.

Can’t get that part of Supernatural season 4 out of my head. The part where Dean tells Sam about Hell.

And yet, it does not stop me from looking at cute guys.

The world is going to hell in a hand basket.

What I would do

This post broke my heart. Because I bet you, the very same people that had an issue with her age, are the same people who are quick to quote hadith and send you to hell (not that they have the power) for not following the sunnah. What about the sunnah about, tolerance and forgiveness and helloooo....the fact that the Prophet’s (SWA) first wife and love, was 20 years his senior. What about that huh? I feel like actually writing a letter to this woman and give her a piece of my mind. It would go something like this: Dear Aunty, I understand that you love your son, and you want what is best for him. But guess what? You don't know everything. And what about what him? What about what he wants? Does he not have the right to live his life? Does he not have the right to make decisions about his own life? Yes, you need to look after your flock, but he is a big boy, responsible for his own actions. I mean common...it’s not like she’s a drug addicted, alcoholic, whore. She will be an excellent wife and mother to your grandchildren because of who she is, not how old she is. Trust in the Almighty and in the fact that you brought your son up in the best possible way you could. And let him make his own decisions. Don’t stand in judgement of someone you don’t know. Once upon a time, you were in her position. Would you not have appreciated it, if someone treated you with kindness? If you really love him, like I know you do. You would do anything to see him happy. Allow him that. And if it doesn’t work out. Then you will be there, to help him through it. Because that is what a parent is there for. Not to dictate his life for him, but to love him regardless of circumstances. Sincerly, A concerned Muslim Sister I know, its too nice hey? But she is probably old, so I’ll play nice.

I have a really huge....

Ego.

I never really accepted this about myself, but I guess that’s what happens when you get older. You accept things.

My aunt wanted to give me a graduation party. My mother said no. Then she asked for a birthday party. My mom said no...again. I’m thinking... “Ego crusher!” at my mom. But I get why she didn’t want to. Giving a party to people who don’t really understand would be like feeding the already fed. They just don’t give a shit. Not that they don’t want to. It’s just they can’t.

I barely made it through high school. I passed all my subjects except English and Afrikaans with E’s. I passed with an exemption only by the grace and will of The Almighty. Then I needed to get into university, which I did not apply for. When they calculated my scores I was 9 and a half. A half short to do the most basic degree. But they were running a bridging course that year. So there was chance I could get it. My mother sat with me the whole day at the Faculty to see the Dean, whatever his reasoning (in my opinion divine intervention) he agreed to let me do the degree...and NOT the bridging course which I thought he would agree on which saved my parents a year of fees.

I struggled at University at first...failed three subjects BOTH semesters. But then again I wrote all my subjects exams in three days. I qualified for subs. Passed all besides one module of one subject in my first year. I never had money or cool clothes. So being in the social scene of varsity life was limited. The next couple of years I spent waking up at the crack of dawn and getting home in darkness. I lived on photo copies and R5 chips during the day. And this was my In-love-with-the-midget days. So I spent my time, day dreaming of things that could have been and things that never will be instead of studying as I should have.

And Yet....

I loved University. All the subjects I took, especially Anthropology helped me to see the world and my place in it differently. I was able to work out a lot of issues through the study of society and culture in a way I don’t think any therapist could have helped me. I finished my degree in three years despite being an average and sometimes below average student. In my final year my marks were good enough to be accepted for Honours, which I graduated with two A’s & three B’s. And today I have my Masters in Anthropology. My paper was not an amazing study that changed the world. But when I entered my paper in that plagiarism programme and it came out with a 99% pass rate (which means that only one percent of my paper was not referenced properly) it could have been, that’s how proud I was of it.

I really wish someone had told me this, so to all the average and poor pupils out there - just because you did crappy in school, does not mean your life is over!!! Research actually shows that there is no correlations between school marks and university success.

For the longest time I never believed that anything I did was ever worth anything. But at that moment I realised, that I actually learned something. When I went back to tutoring first years, and I heard myself speak and I realised that I actually did learn something from my masters. It was a really good feeling having people say congratulations...and ‘wow, that’s so cool’. And my ego really wanted to be able to stand in a room full of people and have those complements said to my face.

The truth is that the people would not truly understand the hard work and sacrifices I had to go through for the past seven years to actually reach that point. They wouldn’t really understand the roller coaster ride 25 was, in wishing me Happy Birthday now that I’m 26. Though I enjoy the messages anyway.

But I can.

So no party for me. I will rather write this post. Eat cake tonight, and enjoy the fact that life takes you where your imagination wont. I’ll enjoy my success and then put it away, because you cannot live by what you have done...only what you are doing. And its only through the grace and will of the Almighty that I am able to do anything.



**I do think it’s kind of weird people giving you presents on your birthday...it’s like...your alive so here’s a gift. Really I should give my parent’s gifts...thanks for not drowning me when I was a baby kinda gift. **

True Love

True love is being able to look at someone or in this case something, see it in its entirety, and love it regardless. I’m not talking about a man, I’m talking about movies. I love movies. It’s a real passion of mine. And I don’t mean it in a I-only-like-rom-coms-and-call-myself-a-movie-lover. I love all types of movies, from horror to comedy to the artsy stuff. My favourite genre of course is fantasy but I do love all kinds of movies.

I judge movies in different ways. The first of course is the story line. You can have the best director, actors and what not, but if you don’t actually have a story to tell, you might as well just burn your money. At least you will have pretty colours to look at. I look at the acting, directing, lighting, cinematography, sound effects/score/soundtrack, action sequences and fighting sequences. Now in terms of movie experts I don’t know the official names of things but I know what I like.

I believe that a movie cannot be all crap. There are those (few and far between) that are just awful from beginning to end. But most movies have redeeming qualities in them. Certain moments or things that made me like the movie even though most of it was crap. While bad moments (and there are many) do not ruin a movie for me, the good moments sure can save it.

So in the name of love, here are moments in movies that just took my breath away. Like I said, movies should either stick to the approved recipe for success or be so different, that it bends my reality entirely. Often the storylines of movies will stick to the ‘norm’ of fiction so that people have a point of reference. For e.g. Vampires burn by the sun. The very few movies that dispute this myth saying that in fact vampires walk around in the day time naturally with no use of rings or magic, was very unsuccessful. Get it? Good.

The following list is moments in movies that made me go wow: (in no particular order)

Constantine



The specific moment that I refer to here, is the when Constantine basically commands whatever invisible force to be seen. The way in which this is done is just awesome. The tattoo on the arms and as he brings his arms together, the changing light etc. It’s just awesome. Now in movie history, I haven’t seen anything like it, so it was a wow moment for me.

Somethings gotta give



I love this movie, but the moment when she tells him that she is heartbroken just gets me every time. Another part is when she asks her daughter “what are you waiting for”. Brilliant V-day movie!

10 000 BC



A lot of my friends didn’t like this movie, but I did. But the moment that got to me the most is when I realised that all those people where building the pyramids. Now never mind what history tells us or doesn’t tell us. They were able to give a realistic, edged in stone (excuse the pun) reason for killing and kidnapping of people.

Thats all I have for now, will extend the list as soon as I can think of anything. Feel free to let me know of moments that make you go wow.

Acceptance is the key

I have spoken to many people who ask the question why? Why did my parents have to get divorced? I often wonder what type of person would I have been had my parents stayed married. The truth is you will never know. All you can deal with is the here and now. Accept the things that you cannot change!!

Parents need to accept:

• It’s going to be a long hard road. And you shouldn't give up hope that one day your children will be fine again.
• The most important thing in life is not being happy. It’s being safe and healthy.
• As the parent that has to move out (which in most cases it’s the men) you will never really get to know your children. No matter how many nights they spend at your house or how many times you phone them. There will always be a rift between you and them. You will never truly know who your children are.
• You are not a bad parent for getting divorced. You are a bad parent if you allow the divorce to kill the dreams and hopes of your children.

Children need to Accept

• Some people get the whole perfect family picture and some people don’t. And now you have become the people who don’t. It’s not the end of the end of the world...it just is what it is.
• Nothing will ever be the same again. And trying to run away, and self medicate is not going to make you feel better. But you WILL feel better one day.
• You can’t change your parents. They are who they are. And loving them is divinely ordained, even if we think they don’t deserve it. Allah (SWT) wills it and that all that matters
• It really is not your fault. Whatever decisions that your parents made, it’s their decisions and their lives. They are allowed to make those choices. Unfortunately you are a casualty of war, but remember Allah (SWT)/God is always with you. And the lessons that you are to learn from this divorce can make you a better person, if you deal with pain.
• Sometimes you have to tell your parents how you feel, even though they don’t listen, a part of them hears.
• You have the right to extract yourself out of your parent’s problems. This is your life, even though you are thrown into circumstances you never chose. What you do with it, is what counts.

In the end, everyone has baggage. Some are more socially pronounced than others. Some are darker and much worse that others. Its not about what happens, but what we do when it happens.

Rules on surviving the War i.e. Divorce

“The thing about divorce is that it doesn’t actually kill you” – Frances; Under the Tuscan Sun, great movie, watch it.

So you are divorced, now what?

Being a single parent is hard. If you don’t believe me, ask a single mother or father first before you contemplate doing it on your own.

I am the most well adjusted divorced child I know and I know quite a few. I was lucky because my mother was who she was. She never kept my father away from us, never said nasty things behind his back. And when we wanted to hate him, she reminded us that he was still our father. She poked and prodded and forced us to open up and deal with the situation. Even though we didn’t want to. Even though we came from a generation where adults didn’t care about how their children felt. We all (parents included) had to deal with our issues. The result of that is my parents can sit in a room and joke and laugh with each other. And my father’s wife as well as his new in-laws. We are weird family to most, but the most important thing is that we are apart of each others lives.

The truth is that you can have a healthy family after divorce. Children can get over it. They will never really be the same like ‘normal’ people. But they can lead normal lives after this. It takes a lot of hard work but it can be done. Will and Jada Smith in their interviews with Oprah talked about have “an extended” family. Jada said it the best “It’s not about us”

Rule No1: It’s not about you!! What is important is that your children have both their parents actively participating in their lives. So put aside your shit, slap a smile on your face and NEVER let them see you angry/sad

Rule No2: Deal with your anger – Whatever your reason for getting divorced, deal with your shit on your own! It kills me when parents don’t see anything besides their own anger and pain. And drag their children in the middle. Don’t make it anybody else’s problem but yours. If you are okay with the divorce your children will heal much faster.

Rule No3: You are the Adult -While the parents are caught in all the emotional turmoil that comes with divorce (whether you hated your partner or not) children become the replacement adult. I don’t know why but divorce ages children. They become pseudo adults over night. Often the parent will lean on the oldest child or the oldest child will feel the need, to step into the shoes of the missing parent.

Here is what I have to say to that. Don’t punish your child for the decisions that you made. You are the one who is the adult. Whether you asked for it or not. It is your responsibility to make sure your child is looked after. It is not your child’s responsibility to take care of you. I don’t care how old you are. If your child does this, don’t leave them. My mother made it very clear that we were the children and she the adult. This helped in getting over the divorce because I was able to hang on to what little of my childhood was left. I was able to ‘return to normal’.

Rule No4: Dr Phil always says – DON'T FIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS. It changes who they are. This rule applies when you are married and when you are divorced. I have a friend who is about 22. He is single still lives with his family and every time his parents fight, he goes off the deep end. Breaks up with his girlfriend, and replaces everything he is feeling with drugs, clubs and alcohol. I know at least three of my friends that got married to get out of the house, because their parents were constantly fighting. Two of which are now unhappy but will not move back home.

Arguing in front of your kids is one thing, but throwing chairs and calling your kids mother a bitch/slut or father a good for nothing son of a bitch is quite another. Every time you fight in front of your kids you make them a part of your marriage and they are not. They are a product of it. You have no right to burden your children with your adult problems.

My cousin was three when she went to her parents and told them, she hurts inside when they fight. They proceeded to laugh at her. Today that same cousin’s parents are divorced and she cannot express the way she feels. She bottles everything until one day when she will explode. And what will the parents say? I never brought you up like this!

It is important for your children to see that you have processed the divorce and that you honour the relationship you had with your partner. If your children see that you are happy they will be happy. And by honouring your relationship with your ex, you are showing your children that they are not a mistake or a product of a broken home.

Rule No5: Your kids are not your personal messaging service – keep your children out of your relationship and issues with your ex. Like I said before every time you involve them, you turn them into children with adult problems. They are going to grow up one day; they will have plenty of those. Do your own dirty work.

Rule No6: It’s never truly over – Your relationship with your ex will never end. As long as you share children you are forever bonded together. So don’t pretend otherwise. Children want to know that you respect the other parent even though you no longer live together

Rule No7: Don’t Replace – Your children have a mother/father so don’t try and find someone to get married to thinking that this will make them more stable. It won’t. All that it will do is give your children more issues. It sends a message to the child is that their mother/father is replaceable and that one day when they move out, you will replace them. You may want to ‘be happy’. But happiness comes in many forms. You will be a much happier person if you know that the person you say you love more than life itself is well and happy. As a Muslim women living alone, it is better that you get married, but take your time. And when you are ready to get married, the key to a successful new marriage and happy children is this:

Make sure your ex – and current get along
In order for this to happen, you have to have a good relationship with your ex. If you are able to have a birthday party, Eid or wedding with you and your ex and your new spouses, your children will be almost normal. This is the most important thing you can do for your children. Don’t worry about what your aunty, friend or even mother says. Don’t worry about what is considered societal norm. What is important is that your children are able to have both their parents at their wedding, Eid and children’s birthdays. Those moments when family is together will make the hole that they live with that has now become a part of their lives, feel as if it is almost non-existent.

Casualties of War

People have accepted that when there is war, innocent people die. It’s just the way the world works. But when the war is between your parents, that type of justification just does not work.

I have many friends who were born in two parent homes, who are now married and have children. And I die a little for their children every time I hear what they allow their children to witness.

I am a child of divorce. I now pronounce myself, speaker for those who cannot speak. For the children young and old who are witnessing their parents on the verge, going through, or post divorce. It doesn’t matter if your 5 or 35 being a child of divorce is painful. I’ve been thinking about writing this post for a long time until came across this that made me decide to actually do it.

Let me tell you why divorce is so bad. In Islam, the worst thing you are allowed to do is get divorced. As a child (not in terms of age, but in terms of having parents) divorce is the worst ‘permitted’ thing that you can go through. Even death is better because it has some type of finality and reason behind it. Don’t get me wrong losing a parent at any age of the child life horrible. But you know that it was not your parent’s choice to leave. It was their time to go, it was Allah’s (SWT) will.

I want parents and people who have not gone through divorce, to understand how it feels. Divorce leaves a gaping hole in all children. It takes years and years to try and re-fill it. But no matter what you do, you can’t. It feels like something is missing and you don’t quite know what it is and you don’t know why it hurts so much . It changes you. It changes the person you were going to become. Because from that day onwards your reality is different to the rest of the world. You have now become a casualty of war: A child of Divorce. Divorce turns children into adults in the seconds its takes parents to announce that they are parting ways.

Parents imagine this. Imagine that someone takes your child and tells you, you are only allowed to have half of your child. Then this person takes a knife and cuts your child down the middle and gives you half and gives your partner half.

How would you feel? Some people will agree with me that in the beginning that is how it feels for children. It feels like someone has taken a knife and cut you in half and your parents just watched and did nothing to stop them. Remember that your children have not experienced the pure love of having a child. So you are the most intense love that that child has experienced. For adults who are parents themselves, the hurt is just as severe if not worse. They don’t understand why they feel this way, because they have their own children. They experienced the pure perfect love of having a child. So why does it hurt so badly? I don’t know.

I’m not saying that people should never get divorced and then re-married. What I’m saying is that if you’re going through or went through or even thinking about divorce and you have children, you need a serious wake up call.

When you have children the rules change. It’s not about you anymore it’s about what is the best for your child. So that your child can grow up to be a well mannered, well adjusted, healthy member of society.

It is important for you to realise that the way you treat your partner is how your children will allow themselves to be treated in the future. They watch everything you do and then internalise it. Meaning it becomes the script in which their lives will run. (I mean script in the computer way, not the movie way). You can’t be a perfect parent because you are only human but how do you expect your children to have respect for you and your partner when you carry on like animals and have no respect for each other?

What parents don’t realise is that bad behaviour from children like teenage pregnancy, drugs, drinking, and promiscuity starts with the relationship between the parents and children. I don’t negate that some people do this even though they have loving, caring parents, but in my opinion that only happens in like one percent of the population. Most parents' reaction to finding out their children have abusive, violent relationships, or that their child is actually an adulterer or just a nasty person “I never brought you up like this”

Yes you did. Every time you disrespect your kid’s mother you teach your daughters, this is how a man must treat me. Every time you disrespect your kid’s father, you teach your son, this is the way a woman must treat a man. Every time you do not validate and show your children that they are worthy of love, through your actions not how much things you can buy them, you are creating an environment for them to rebel.

Some might say, well everyone has choices. If my child rebels its because he made that choice he is naughty. I disagree. As people we all have a hand in creating situations for others, a neglected child as two options. Looking for the love and validation by other people or looking for love in things.

This is the reason the world is so fucked up. You treat your partner like shit, then you treat your children like shit and then you expect them to grow up and get married and live happily ever after? I’m sorry but that is just not the way it works.

Many people think that Divorce is like a magic pill. Take one, with a glass of water and the person that irritates you will just magically disappear and you and your family will be much happier. Not so. That person that irritates you is someone you had children with. They are not going to just disappear.

Just because you are ‘unhappy’ and your new secretary or pool boy makes you remember what happiness feels like, does not give you the right to break your children’s hearts and change their lives forever.

When I watched one of the opening monologues in the movie Fame I was dumbfounded. One of the characters was auditioning and this is what she said:

My theory is that when parents get divorced, they're given some kind of a handout. When my parents told me that they were splitting, they told me three things. One, "It's not your fault.” Two, "It's not your fault.” And three, "It's not your fault.” Problem is, I don't buy it. No kid does. I've seen the pictures of when you got married. When you were good-looking, and you smiled at each other. Hell, when you even just looked at each other. So what happened between then and now? Me. I... I came along, and I made you tired and cranky and anxious and I made you lose your hair and gain 20 extra pounds and...Somewhere in all of that, I...You stopped loving each other. So I have my own idea for a handout. Next time tell me, "One, happiness is hard."Two, don't make the same mistakes we did."And three, okay, so maybe it is your fault a little." You want me to be honest? You go first.

It’s not about staying in a marriage that you are miserable in because you don’t want your children to be cut in half, even though your husband abuses you. Ask yourself; is this environment healthy for my children? For me and for my partner? So if not, then so be it. Because if you are not okay, and your partner is not okay, your children will not be okay. Divorce was created for a reason. But life is more than just being ‘happy’. If you have issues, sort it out before you take the divorce card out or run into the legs of someone else. If constantly being in the ‘in-love’ stage of your life is how you define being ‘happy’, you are in serious trouble.

Twilight lovers only

When I read a book, and I don't like, or can't picture what the writer is discribing I often change it to the way I like would like it to look. I've seen many bloggers state who they would have prefered to play the characters in the Twilight movies. This is more of how I imagiend them when I read the book

Jacob. This is how Jacob Black looked in my head. Not like a child.

Alex Meraz

Leah. Just for the record. In the book she is pretteir than that other girl, Sam's Fiance. So why pick such an ugly girl? Now the actress, is not ugly. but they make her look ugly. Which is so not cool. I think even Vanessa Hudgens would have made a better Leah, but that would mean paying her alot of money, and lets face it, they wont do that. For me Leah looked more her with short hair.

Kirsten Kreuk

Edward. In the book he is beautiful. In the movie...not so much. Even Rob agree's that he is not as pretty as Edward. In my mind I saw him more of a Tom Welling kinda guy...only younger

Tom Welling

Rosalie. Of all the Actors, she went through the biggest change, having to bleach her skin, hair ect. So here is my question. Is she that good of an actor for you to go through all of that, rather than just choose someone who looks like that already. Seriously...I think not. She looks closer to my version

Talulah Riley

The Ring. I was highly dissapointed when I saw the ring in eclipse. Then someone pointed out, thats the way it is discribed in the book. I have one word for that ring. Ugly. This is how I saw it.

Besides that...the way everything looked either was in line with my standards or exceeded them. Lets hope the Breaking Dawn is better!