I took my love out of the vault. And now its floating around and teasing me. It’s not like before though. I see the vault has changed it. It hasn’t been fed by hope or delusional thoughts. So it’s not so strong. That makes me sad. Its like I’m watching the most beautiful part of me die.
But I have to be real about this. What did I think was going to happen? He was going to fall into my arms and say “I have come for you” with wind blowing through his hair. Seriously, there comes a moment in life, when you have to realise that living in a dream kills the life your living.
I just wish it would stop floating around. Cause I’m feeding it again with my stupid delusional thoughts. Gotta catch it and put back in the vault. Oh but how I want to just dive into it...recently the thought of sending an anonymous email crossed my mind. But I wouldn’t want someone to do that to me, so I won’t do that. Maybe a fake facebook profile? No *shaking may head* gotta think about this rationally.
But I will forever be haunted by that number.
Seems like such a big number sometimes and other times so small. I know thats not the only reason...he doesn’t like me. Because if he did, he would have said so. Its as simple as that. Or is it? Either way it’s time to catch that little sucker and put him back in the vault.
Its time to love me enough to do the best thing for me.