Friday, February 4, 2011

Acceptance is the key

I have spoken to many people who ask the question why? Why did my parents have to get divorced? I often wonder what type of person would I have been had my parents stayed married. The truth is you will never know. All you can deal with is the here and now. Accept the things that you cannot change!!

Parents need to accept:

  • It’s going to be a long hard road. And you shouldn't give up hope that one day your children will be fine again.
  • The most important thing in life is not being happy. It’s being safe and healthy.
  • As the parent that has to move out (which in most cases it’s the men) you will never really get to know your children. No matter how many nights they spend at your house or how many times you phone them. There will always be a rift between you and them. You will never truly know who your children are.
  • You are not a bad parent for getting divorced. You are a bad parent if you allow the divorce to kill the dreams and hopes of your children.

Children need to Accept

  • Some people get the whole perfect family picture and some people don’t. And now you have become the people who don’t. It’s not the end of the end of the just is what it is.
  • Nothing will ever be the same again. And trying to run away, and self medicate is not going to make you feel better. But you WILL feel better one day.
  • You can’t change your parents. They are who they are. And loving them is divinely ordained, even if we think they don’t deserve it. Allah (SWT) wills it and that all that matters
  • It really is not your fault. Whatever decisions that your parents made, it’s their decisions and their lives. They are allowed to make those choices. Unfortunately you are a casualty of war, but remember Allah (SWT)/God is always with you. And the lessons that you are to learn from this divorce can make you a better person, if you deal with pain.
  • Sometimes you have to tell your parents how you feel, even though they don’t listen, a part of them hears.
  • You have the right to extract yourself out of your parent’s problems. This is your life, even though you are thrown into circumstances you never chose. What you do with it, is what counts.

In the end, everyone has baggage. Some are more socially pronounced than others. Some are darker and much worse that others. Its not about what happens, but what we do when it happens.

1 comment:

pserean said...

really insightful points here...this and your previous articles.
May Allah....ease your burdens and your sorrow..
And May your future be abundant in happiness and contentment, such that it blots out the past's fears and difficulties, ameen.