Wednesday, March 27, 2013

The type of wife I want to be

The advantages of being single is you get to think about things.

I've been asked on more than one occasion, "so what are you looking for?" I assume this means in a spouse, otherwise I would have said "peace and lots of money". And then I think for a second, and I come up with the silly things that you think about, kind, funny, honest, stable. But the one question no ones seems to ask, is "What type of wife are you going to be?"

Its so easy to look for what you want, how you can get it, but to ask what are you willing to give and how will you give it is much more challenging.

I want to be the type of wife that allows my husband to be himself. As stupid, arrogant and loving as he wants to be. I want to be the type of person that will be okay with whatever or whoever he is. I don't want to nag! I hate when wives nag it kills me, and I'm female! I want to be the type of wife that he listens to, misses when he is away and behind my back tells his friends how awesome I am.

I don't want to tell him how to behave in public, to eat his food (Yip, true story) or what to wear, but if he wants me to take out his clothes for him I could do it on occasion. I want to be the type of wife, that if he is watching soccer, playing fifa or trolling through techie sites I can go and read and not have to tell him that we not spending enough quality time together.

I want to be the women that inspires him to be a better man. To be his best friend.

I'm sure he will irritate me, but I want to be the type of wife that can tell him so and have him want to better himself because HE wants to do it. Not because I force or emotionally or sexually blackmail him.

That being said, a man who does not have his Shit together, will not be able to have this type of relationship. Because if I'm not going to be needy and clingy he just might be. As the wife I want to be, so too would I like a husband that is the same.  

I don't need a husband who praises me everyday. I was not born in a family that did that. So I will either not believe him, or it will irritate me. But I want to inspire in him, the need to every now then tell me how much he loves me and that I was the best decision he made.

I don't need a husband to support me financially. But I want him to. At least to know that he will look after me, and have it be my decision that we work together.

I want us to be able to live my life with my husband. Not create a world that should either of us not be there, we would fall into pieces and question the very existence of God because of our own failings.

If he sees a beautiful women, he must feel free to come to me and say 'wow...this chick is hot. But will not flirt with her, not out of respect for me, but out of respect for her because he doesn't want to lead her on. Because he treats all women with respect no matter who they are. And if she does flirt with him, he must ignore her because I am enough for him.

Who we are should not be based on the other person. But they should inspire us to do better, be better and feel loved even if we don't succeed.

Sounds like a fairy tale doesn't it? After all you don't always get what you want.

And they all lived Happily Ever After


Anonymous said...

Sounds wonderful. Here's hoping he arrives very soon....

But for your own personal reflections far into the future, keep this piece on record and years into your marriage, read it and see how reality matches up to the ideal. It can literally feel like a whole different lifetime - even a few years into marriage - so keep this as a record of the ideals you aspired to, and if - in future - you find things not being that way, make a plan to change what needs to be changed.

Before that, though, keep this as your manifesto to present to him when you get married...

Lady T said...

If the Lord wills it.

Yeah I hope to.

Manifesto...that is a good idea. Here's praying that I get married to a guy that reads. lol

The Blue Grumpster said...

'The advantages of being single is you get to think about things... That's why my brain is constantly switched off. NOW I understand why! ;) A non-nagging wife... sounds like such a blessing. I have one myself, well, 20 out of 30 days a month. Compared to my 24/7 that's a fairly good deal, wouldn't you say, Lady-T? (Poor wife, I know.)

I think your list is long but doable. Always aim high :)

The Blue Grumpster said...

I should tell my Bollywood Bride to read your post. Well, at least I could try, right?;)

Couldn't agree more. I think you shouldn't try to change people. But let me ask you something else: what if the man you love (and who loves you) doesn't want to get married but wants to live together forever and ever?

Lady T said...

Think you hit the jackpot Mr Grumpster! Hope you let her know that.

If he wants to only live together forever and ever, than he doesn't really love me. Cause to really love me, is to know me. And to truly know me, is to know that what I require is not some fan fiction ending. Its reasons run deep within in me, to the very essence of my nature.

Lady T said...

And anyone who would choose not to commit to me through divine law in a sacred convent because he has issues, really doesn’t love me now does he? He loves himself more. Because he would rather die for his cause than give me what I require to fulfil the essence of who I am. What kind of man would do that anyway? I’m not sure about this man-i-love-(that-loves-me-too) anymore. I think maybe we need to take a break. For like ever.

The Blue Grumpster said...

'And anyone who would choose not to commit to me through divine law in a sacred convent because he has issues, really doesn’t love me now does he?' Oh I'm not saying he has issues. He just doesn't believe in marriage, is all. How does it follow that he really doesn'tlove you? What if he said, 'If you really loved me, you'd not insist on marrying me'? ;)

bb_aisha said...

I believe very strongly in this too, being the type of person I would want to be with.

Lady T said...

@grumpster I can love anyone. I fall in love weekly. But I could only build a life with someone who is Muslim. I pray that I will find both in the same person. So marriage in a non-negotiable :)

@bb_aisha you’re my soul-sister :)

The Blue Grumpster said...

You've got mail: CLICK!

I know... how does he do that? ;)

The Blue Grumpster said...

Well, Ms Very Good Anthropologist, I always say to each their own so I respect your views. But I think you already knew that. I was just curious, is all.