Reluctent Feminist - Again!

Every time I go against Feminism and make arguments to people as to why I am not a feminist, I get put into a situation that makes me re-think that statement.

I had an argument once with a most beloved cousin of mine. He argued with me, stating that women need to take control of their lives and the reason women are where they are is because they don’t go and educate themselves and take their rights. I found myself saying out loud “the reason the women are where they are is because of men”

Oops…yip I said it. I am a reluctant feminist.

This story right here is the reason I say that women are not allowed to be educated and in charge of their lives because men make it so.

A facebook post in one of the groups I follow stated:

A very sticky situation:

A sister reverts to Islam and then marries a Muslim born brother who comes from an immigrant background. After few years in stressful marriage, two children or more and irreconcilable differences she decides to leave. He does not support her financially and is not willing to accept wrongdoing on his part. She tries with every Imam in the community to help her out and get Khu'l or divorce from him but they all avoid taking her case. Now she got the civil divorce but no Imam is willing to give her the Islamic documentation of the divorce.

What is your take on this? How should we as a Muslim community deal with a case like this one?

And then I read the comments. It took me a while to calm down. Like a couple of weeks.  And so I answered:

I read through this post and some comments and I have to say I am shocked. Words like “sbar” “mediation” “One side of the story” really got me upset and I had to wait awhile before commenting so that I could be calmer. I will try to be as brief as I possibly can:

“A hadeeth narrated by al-Bukhaari in his Saheeh (4867) from Ibn ‘Abbaas, in which it says that the wife of Thaabit ibn Qays came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I do not blame Thaabit ibn Qays for any defect in his character or his religious commitment, but I would hate to commit an act of kufr when I am a Muslim.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Will you give him back his garden [which he had given as mahr]?” She said, “Yes.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said (to Thaabit), “Accept the garden, and divorce her once.”

Please note, the Prophet (SWA) did not tell her “be patient”, he did not ask for “the other side of the story” he did not request for them to go through “mediation”. If she didn’t want to be with him, she had to give back her dowry and he had to release her.

It does NOT matter what the other side of the story is. The fact is, she is a Human Being, a Muslim and she just happens to be female and has every right to decide how to live her life. Yes divorce is not something to be taken lightly, but by her seeking a divorce on several different occasions its evidence enough that she is taking it seriously.

This is not a discussion on whether or not the divorce is valid or warranted or not, but whether women in Islam have the right to make choices about their lives. Whether her reasoning is logical or not, she has a right to choose how to live her life and her husband, Imams and everyone else needs to respect that.

Generally I don't like commenting I feel like, its your opionion who am I to impose on that...but for this I could not keep quite. It seems that through out the comments, what she wanted was just ignored and reduced, to her obligation to her children and husband and religion. I am not saying that divorce should be granted for every women who doesn't like her husband at some point in time. But this like all else in this world it seems what women want for themselves is just forgotten.

I see all these women's programmes that are so successful and so many people attend, but pray tell why is every single one of those programmes given by men? What about the women? Why are women not advising other women? Do we not have the intellect or knowledge to do so?

I would like to point out one thing, if she was a man, he would have been granted the divorce, NO ONE would have told him to “sabr” or seek “mediation” or wonder about “the other side of the story”. Because you are given the responsibility of divorce does not mean that you should not be questioned about it, and more importantly, does not mean you should not give it when it is being requested. No matter how hard it may be.

Really I think this “boys club” mentality of the Imams needs to come to an end. And remember that they are custodians of knowledge and not protectors of male brotherhood. You are not taking the side of the women; you are taking the side of what is right. Let the women decide how to live their lives, just like you allow the men to. 

I don’t like the concept of feminism. I don’t like the whole idea of a movement that gives women more work to do.

Something occurred to me. Men should love feminism. This allows for them to be helped financially, it takes the whole “family responsibility” off their shoulder for the mere price of changing diapers and washing dishes every other day. Men are given the choice to be more relaxed, more sensitive and have someone there to share the responsibility with. Really, I don’t get why men are not more for it.

http://www.understanding-islam.com/q-and-a/social-issues/wanting-divorce-for-no-reason-9186

Getting back up again

Falling off the "Diet" Wagon is the worst thing that can happen!

Its worse than starting. I fell off the wagon and just laid there while it dragged me along. Starting a new job, having to travel early in the morning...'those were just the first steps' in leading me astray.

So here is what I learned.

1. Once you have decided to do something, the world is going to conspire against you (yes I disagree with Paulo completely). Because as long as you feel bad about yourself, weak and like a failure the dark side wins.

2.  Things don't just happen. There is an introduction of sorts. Mine was turing my "healthy lifestyle" into a "Diet". What was a slow steady marathon turned into a race that I lost, when my purpose changed.

3. This is about me being healthy. And feeling healthy. NOT looking like a matchstick. I hope I remember that!

4. This is a slow steady marathon. Its going to take a year. So I need to just calm down!

5. Doesn't matter what you eat. Its not going to make the feelings go away.

6. Doesn't matter if you 'slip' a 'slip' is not a fall. Don't turn it into one.

7. It is really this simple: (they should have added takes time)

Dreams, Shadows and Me

Its annoying really.

Feeling something, knowing something but not really understanding if what you know or feel is real.

Is it a dream? A shadow? An evil plot to make you weak? Make you break. Make you want and stay in wanting and waiting and pining.

Whatever evil created it, then damn them. Damn them to hell and back. Because this feeling is not something I would wish on anyone.

I just wish I knew. Is it me? Or something else. If I knew I would wait in silence. But not knowing makes me stir crazy. Is it a dream? A shadow or just me?

Then I move, any way I can just so that I don't stand still. But as I move, I move further and further away from you. And I panic...what if it was right? What if....

Then I turn back and I miss you all over again.

Asshole!

But is it Art?

I think so.

Here is a collection of my work.

The lovers -

Love is often a tangled web. One that only the lovers can understand. This was influenced by a real conflict of emotions that both started and ended in love.

                                         

Behind the Rainbow - 

Inspired by the complete lack of joy we have in this world. The lines and colours represent what we see in nature is exactly what we see in our minds. 

Contraction

This was by far the most difficult piece for me to do. It symbolises the real plight that normal people face. Everyday. The process of creating this was both cathartic and quit disturbing.

The eye of "Sauron"

Inspired by the minimalist approach with a contemporary spin. The eye of "Sauron" s ever watchful. This was really fun to make.

Fear

I went to a really dark place to create this. I had to dig deep. A deep place that exists in all of us.

Sorrow

I wasn't sure if such negative emotion should be allowed to be brought out, but once it was I was pleasantly surprised at the outcome.

Originals sell for $2000 - $10 000 each. Download is free. Please contact me for more information.

I am a Muslim...get that? MUSLIM

I have just about as much as I can take.

I've spoken before of the serious issues muslim women have, but this takes the cake. Nay, scratch that the whole effen bakery.

No one...I repeat...NO ONE has the right to tell ANY women be it Muslim  Christian  Jewish  Hindu or even atheist for that matter, how she can and can't dress. Do you know why? Because besides being a "gender" we are human. And we have the divine human right to dress and express our beliefs as we see fit.

I am an avid supporter of women who wear both Niqaab and Hijaab (face and head coverings). And I will be, until my dying day. Because contrary to the popular fable that gets told at bed time, women are not "powerless" to the obligations set upon them. MOST of them choose to wear those clothes. And whether or not it is deemed as "obligatory", "mandatory" or "preferred"...it is their choice! And because they are human, that choice should be respected. Just as the women who choose to wear red stilletoes as oppose to black ones are.

But this whole "Hijaabie", "Niqaabie" thing is getting out of hand. This classification of women, creating sub-groups within the larger society, BASED on what they WEAR...is insane.

It defiles the very basic nature of Islam which was to bring people together. Never mind their gender, culture, class or social standing. Criminal or soldier, King or pauper, they were all banded together by believing in the One Lord and the final and seal of all Prophets (SAW).

And you might say, yeah well Islam is already divided by different schools of thought. What you don't understand, is that we live in world where unity needs to be spread not animosity. I sit in groups of muslim women who do not wear Hijaab, and do you know what they say? Not, 'I want to wear Hijaab, I saw so and so women and she looked so nice'. No, I hear stories of arrogance, and rudeness of so called "Hijaabies" which leads to the very nature of modesty to be questioned.

All of it gets really complicated, when in reality it shouldn't be.

If you are wearing Hijaab or Niqaab, that is your choice. Your divine right as a Muslim woman to make that choice. Why do you care what other people think? By banding together and creating a community that accepts each other, you have also created a community that also rejects everyone that does not look like you. There was another name for a movement like that...what was it again??? oh yeah, racism.   Ask yourself, is that the "Muslim" thing to do?

By using these terms, you create this 'sect' and then posting proudly on facebook and twitter etc, that you heart Hijaab or that you are a "Niqaabie" you create that illusion that there is a difference between you and those who don't (and that you are better because you 'follow the law'). When in reality, we are all MUSLIM.  whether we follow the law's or not.

This classification has even further eroded Muslim female relationships. You might have the right choose how to dress, you don't have the right affect the identity of all Muslim women. Just like how you would want to be respected for your choices, so should you respect others for their's.

Let us all respect each others right to choose and not question it. We all have our own road to walk and don't need extra baggage that made up classifications bring.

Annoyed

I am just annoyed.

I'm annoyed at life and myself.

I have 10 things I need to do, 100 things I want to do and about 1000 idea's swimming in my brain and absolutely no output whatsoever.

I hate this weather. It's hot coolness makes me want to be outside. It also reminds me of something I long forgot, or maybe a dream I had, I'm not sure.

The feeling is uneasy, anticipating and nostalgic.

I want to go home and climb into my bed.

My dear friend

You bathe in your piety in front of me as if you were bathing in the fountain of youth. As if you now have holy blood in your veins. You’ve forgotten that you once walked in the darkness. I am glad for your enlightenment, really I am. But understand this, my dear friend; your enlightenment is not a seat of glory. It is not a medal of honour or a knighthood that you can boast about.

Your enlightenment came at a price. Do you not remember that? That you once dwelled in darkness, blind and unchanged. But now that you have found His love you dare to forget? Forget all the things that you have done? And all the things you are able to still do!

You will not find salvation is the war against other people’s sins. Salvation is only found in The One. The peace you find, when you see The One in everything He has created.

Guard your enlightenment my friend, because it is a fickle thing. One wrong step and the light will leave you and you will have no one else to blame but yourself.

It is easy to see the wrong doing of people. All their sins sing out to you like a beautiful siren, tempting your mind to forgo the light and enter the comfort of the darkness once more. I know that is why you rage against the sinners. You scream and claw at their faces in an effort to protect yourself. But what you don’t realise, is that before you know it, your hands will be covered with the blood of all the people you have condemned and corrupted, with your disdain for weakness.

Everyone knows that you are the weakest of us all. As you read this you are remembering all the things that you have done. And the darkness where you have dwelt. But let me tell you something dear friend, you have not seen true darkness.

When you have stared into it, and watched how it moved, and changed and grew. How it formed its red eyes, which pierces your soul. When it smiled at you with an evil knowing and bared its razor sharp fangs. When you watched as it came towards you salivating. And the only thing holding you is a bone crushing fear. When you have seen such darkness and are able to come back into the light. That is the day that you can begin to comprehend the true struggle of others.

Come out of the fountain my friend, cover yourself, wash your hands and be thankful. Be kind and understanding. And remember that the price that you paid for your enlightenment is something that will never leave you. And no matter how many people you try and save, the only one that you can save is yourself. Be grateful for your enlightenment, and take care of it. Be in service of people, with love and compassion. And one day, maybe, we will meet again. If He wills it.