*grrrrr*

I took my love out of the vault. And now its floating around and teasing me. It’s not like before though. I see the vault has changed it. It hasn’t been fed by hope or delusional thoughts. So it’s not so strong. That makes me sad. Its like I’m watching the most beautiful part of me die.

But I have to be real about this. What did I think was going to happen? He was going to fall into my arms and say “I have come for you” with wind blowing through his hair. Seriously, there comes a moment in life, when you have to realise that living in a dream kills the life your living.

I just wish it would stop floating around. Cause I’m feeding it again with my stupid delusional thoughts. Gotta catch it and put back in the vault. Oh but how I want to just dive into it...recently the thought of sending an anonymous email crossed my mind. But I wouldn’t want someone to do that to me, so I won’t do that. Maybe a fake facebook profile? No *shaking may head* gotta think about this rationally.

But I will forever be haunted by that number.

4.

Seems like such a big number sometimes and other times so small. I know thats not the only reason...he doesn’t like me. Because if he did, he would have said so. Its as simple as that. Or is it? Either way it’s time to catch that little sucker and put him back in the vault.

Its time to love me enough to do the best thing for me.

Women & Praying

I can’t believe that its already the last few days of Ramadaan. I just want to freeze these moments. Never mind I’m exhausted and thirsty and hungry all the time. I still wish that these moments could last forever.

As we start getting nearer to Eid, a familiar argument is making its way the surface again. The question of whether women are allowed to attend the Eid Prayer or not. Many women fight for the right to go. I’m like, just become shafi and it won’t be a problem. *chuckle*

What I find strange is that women, throughout the year, don’t say anything about attending mosque on a Friday, which is a very holy day for muslim, according to some even more than Eid. Why do we not fight to attend the Friday lecture?

But really this argument is much larger than attending the Eid Prayer. What this lends itself to is arguments about whether women should be allowed to go to mosque at all and to a greater degree, a women’s role in society.

All of it is connected because Islam is a religion that is deeply rooted in the community. That is why “the men” pray as one, standing shoulder to shoulder. No man greater or lesser than the other. Because as we stand to pray in front of Allah we are all equal.

I watched a very interesting documentary by Canadian Zarqa Nawaz, called ‘Me and the Mosque’. She goes to different mosques looking at the female section and its issues. In some mosques in Canada they didn’t have a partition dividing men and women (women would pray at the back of the men) and then they put up a partition. The women became outraged.

Here were these women, now suddenly being shunned from the community and banned from “praying as one”. Because if something was a whole and you put a line through it, you get two parts. What did this mean? That just because they were female, they were not worthy to ask question or take part in Islamic discussions? Or because they were female they were not worthy to be seen? (This needs a whole post on its own)

But they are lucky, because at least for a while they were able to experience the mosque as a place where people could ask questions, share and learn. And not only worship. The Mosque was the heart of the community.

In South Africa, it’s very different. The Hanafi’s are not allowed to go to mosque. And the Shafi’s have very small sections for women that are often completely separate for the women. So it’s a room within the mosque. Again divided by walls.

This got me really thinking. Women and roles they play is society as we all know is a highly contested subject. But you know why I think that is? Because as muslim women we can’t agree between ourselves what it is and what it means. So how can we expect Muslim men, or the rest of the non-muslim world to understand?

So the problem here is not the men, who constantly want to own us. It’s us women who fail to define “us”.

One day, I went to the Sandton Prayer room, and was very shocked at what I found. There were women waiting outside in a line to pray. And when I glanced inside, you found women standing with gaps in-between them, some sitting down, others having missed a few spots in front. The places that could have been filled with women can’t be reached because there are too many people to bypass. And for a moment I thought, “Yip! It’s a good thing we don’t have to go to mosque.” I wanted to carry on like a real Apa and tell them, “shift up, shoulder to shoulder, if you not praying leave”.

The university Jamaat Khana is no different, maybe even worse. While some girls are praying, others are talking to each other, laughing and lying around. Apa T wanted to come out again and ask them, “Is this a picnic spot? That you sitting having long long conversations?” But I didn’t, after all, I’m not their Apa.

I was having a conversation once, with a few Apa’s when the one said to the other “Women shouldn’t go to Mosque” the other replied “It’s true, Women don’t know the Adaab of the Mosque”.

Well my question is “Did anyone teach them?” If you were taught that you can’t go to mosque, why would you bother finding out, what you should and shouldn’t do? But I have a lot of respect for these Apa’s, so I didn’t say anything because let’s face it, who am I to comment on such stuff?

But this nagging feeling in my gut tells me something different. Looking at the Sadton prayer room I realised that it so indicative of the state female relationships are today. We are not unified. “We scattered, leaderless” everyone doing their own thing, taking up too much space not worried about their sisters/mothers/aunts in Islam.

The problem with being taught to read salaah at home is that you are not standing next to anyone or in front or behind. So when you are forced to read in a crowed you would stand very far away from each other. The touching of shoulders (if you forced to stand next to each other) is a strange feeling and can also disturb your concentration.

For me it’s not whether or not women are allowed to go to Eid Prayer/Mosque or not. It’s what are we doing with the spaces that we have?

When it comes to prayer, the rules that apply to the men should apply to the women as well. I’ve heard plenty of times the Imaams telling the boys, don’t where this type of t-shirt or that jeans to mosque. The boys in my madressa use to get scolded if they didn’t wear a kurta to salaah. Men still have their issues with each other; this uncle stole that uncles topie when he was in high school. Men are known to sit outside the mosque and skinner (gossip) even though the Imaams tell them not to.

So how different would it have been, if they told the women not to do the same?
Before we get all upset about attending the Eid Prayer, let us first organise ourselves! This is a really good site that states what you can and can’t do in the mosque. This should be practised in all prayer rooms as well.

Shafi women lead the salaah when it is a room full of women only. In my heart I believe this is the right thing. Because again, Islam is routed in the community and when we pray in a group we should pray as one. I believe that by praying together, women will foster a deeper bond with each other. Maybe it is a road to our salvation. That we as muslim women can become kinder to each other, more forgiving to each other, defend each other’s honour. If you have love and respect for your muslim sister, you will not “steal” her husband, slander her behind her back and allow her to go down a path of self destruction.

It’s not about how badly the men treat us or how they ignore us. What really matters is how we treat each other. The whole point of Jumma Salaah and Eid Salaah, is that it is done in a group. So this Friday, do your cooking early. Put on radio Islam and listen to the lecture with your fellow muslim sisters. You can pray on your own, or together in a group, but the key here is that you are together.

P.S...sorry for the working women, this is not an option. Oh how I dream of days, when I’m a house wife *smiling face* Please note that I'm not an Aalima, Imaaan etc...but these are my thoughts

Two Words

Writers Block.

Speaking of Fairy Tales....

How do you take a Fairy Tale and turn it into a movie that contemporary, real and still sticks to the story line and the moral it teaches?

One word. Beastly.



This movie was absolutely sweet. I had my doubts, but I still paid to watch it, because Beauty and the Beast is one of my all time favourite fairy tales.
Granted the acting here and there veered on the fake side. But the costumes’ and characters were really cool. And my favourite part is the rose and the way they worked it into the story.

Something I never realised is that in Beauty and the Beast, the Witch is good. In all the other fairy tales the witch is bad.

Every other modern-day fairy tale movie I’ve watched looks fake and stupid compared to this. You see every fairy tale has a lesson that is learned. And the lesson was not about how your prince will come and save you. In all of them, the lesson is the triumph of good over evil.

In Cinderella, the lesson was that people should look beyond a person’s status to find love. It was not a display of teenage fantasy which ends is a catchy pop song.
Ever After, is one of my all time favourite movies, but its set in “Once upon a time” like 17 or 18th century?? It exchanged magic for science, but still very well done.

In this regard, as corny as Beastly got, it was also very real. Because no matter how enlightened we become, today people still don’t look beyond a perception of Beauty to who we really are. This lesson is more apt today than it has ever been.

To everyone who worked on Beastly...well done people, I will be buying the original DVD copy of this.

"You wanna sow oats? Become a Farmer"

I’ve been blaming fairy tales for a while now.

They make us believe that a Prince will soon come and save us. That happily ever after is possible. And that if we are good we are beautiful. This essentially becomes the foundation of our love lives or lack thereof. And ultimately one of the biggest disappointments in a girl’s life.

But then I thought, wait a minute. Where are the boys in this? Were they not in the same class as us in primary school? Did they not listen to the same stories that we did?
They were there, when the evil witch tried to destroy the beautiful young princess, and when the prince rode on his white horse and saved the princess...the boys participated in the collective sigh at the end of the story.

So my question is...where the hell did men get the whole afraid of commitment thing???
Essentially, men and women both learn the same things when they are young. You have to grow up, get a nice job, don’t make or come home pregnant and then you can get married, have children and live happily ever after. And more so for a Muslim Man.

As Muslims we are taught that getting married completes half of your faith...the other half, well that’s in your hands.

And yet today guys are like ‘I don’t want to get married and I don’t want to get tied down’....I’m like WTF??? Where the hell did you get that from??? Nothing about your upbringing, both in ‘western knowledge’ or religious teachings ever told you anything about ‘playing the field’ or ‘sowing your oats’. You wanna sow oats? Become a farmer.

Everything about the human condition, the nature of who we truly are, is embedded in our ability to connect with each other. The anti-social people have their own special place. It’s called a mental institution and there is a reason for that. If we cannot connect, we die. Literally. New born baby’s without human contact die, no matter how healthy they are.

But the other side of this coin is that some people take this need for connection to an extreme. So they try connecting to lots of people, because the more they connect, the more they crave the connection. And it doesn’t live up to their expectations so they think the next connection is going to be better and it isn’t.

I would like to meet a real life, Samantha Jones that is happy with her life, who she is and her choices and all of this before she watched or knew about Sex and the City. Because let’s face it, people see things on TV and think they can do it in real life. There should have been a warning: please don’t try this at home, before Sex and The City started.

People....let us remember one thing....Samantha Jones is a FICTIONAL CHARACTER. In other words she does not exist. Maybe parts of her are based on a real person, but parts does not a real person make. Okay that sounded better than it looks, but anyway the point is that she is not real. Neither is Carrie or any of the other girls. And it makes me really wonder when people name fictional characters as their hero. *shaking head*

As for the whole 'men can just zip up and walk out' this is false. I know men, who cheated on their wives for years and they are as empty as any women in their position. Maybe it takes longer for the emotions to kick in for men than women...but the Lord sees all. And the day will come, when that belt that they've been making notches on, is used to hang themselves. Because they end up feeling empty and alone just like the women.

I think we should stop looking at how different men and women are and start realising that we are more alike than we are different. Because we are all human, we all need the same things to survive. Maybe we just don’t get it in the same way.

If there is a high divorce rate, it means one thing. There is a higher marriage rate. More people are getting married than getting divorced. Which means as much as men sit on their ‘I don’t want to get married' horse. What they don’t realise is that, that horse is white. And as much as women are waiting to be saved, they are waiting to save them.

I have a new boyfriend....

And his name is Thor!

I was not familiar with Thor and I’m actually glad about that. I watched the movie with fresh eyes. I enjoyed the movie though it was nothing extra ordinary. As for the character, the taming of the cocky beautiful man is not really one of my favourite story lines for a superhero, but this one has changed me. The casting gets five stars from me. It was a good introduction for the Avengers. Which is probably the most anticipated Marvel movie...ever. Well for me anyway.

In the meantime...he makes me smile.

Okay drool....

Bad Girl

I'm a bad bad girl.

I really am.

Why can't I just leave well enough alone!!!

I just get myself into situations.