Friday, November 19, 2010

Chatting up a storm

It never occurs to me that boys and girls are different until we chat online. Being as old as I am, there are very few conversations with guys that do not have some type of fishing expedition behind it. Both parties will try to fish out if you’re single, do-able, or just an online friend.

When I chat, I often get very nervous. I’m always thinking, okay how is he going to take this? Because I’m very sarcastic and always scared that the boy will not understand in what context I say things. Nothing worse than coming in with a higher grade humour just to find out that mister lower grade takes everything at face value, all that cyber time wasted.

What I don’t understand is the whole asking for picture thing. I get that men are visual so they want to see what they talking to. But why do they want more than one? A guy once BEGGED for more pictures, like four or five hours before we actually met!! Now in my mind, I’m thinking okay I’m going to see him then I will know how he really looks. But guys are like “please send me a picture, please, please, please”. This freaks me out! Why do you want the pic so bad? Can any guy out there please clear this up for me?

I reached a crescendo of irritation with a certain Mr. Durban. Who sent me 9 pictures of his car, a few of his family and one, badly lit picture of himself. Then he asks me what picture am I going to send him? “Do you want a picture of my car?” I asked. “No of you” he typed. I pointed out that he did have a picture of me that was very well lit. He started begging like some Oliver Twist on steroids. So I typed “Okay, fine. You win. I’m going to send you a picture of myself. I’m a bit naked, so don’t judge me.” And then I sent him this:


I have NEVER laughed so much in my life.

He said I was evil, but he had a good sense of humour about it, and we remain chat buddies.

But I am still trying to figure out boy language in cyber-space. All I can think of is that guys ask, trying to get you to send ‘naughty’ pictures of yourself to them so they can spend some ‘happy’ time with themselves, or they taking my picture, and putting my head on naked bodies. (Which actually happened to a friend of mine).

Or they could be going arounds saying this is my girlfriend...which is cool, just tell me about it! I mean who hasn't done that before?

;->.

7 comments:

dreamlife said...

I can't answer the question as to why so many pictures - but you're correct in saying it's a 'fishing' expedition. And from the male perspective - yes, the picture / visual is very important.

If the guy is literally begging for a picture, i think u should be very, very cautious about him.

Actually, the whole idea of meeting people this way is one that requires much caution - not only because of the sick people that exist in this world (including the fact that many rapists actually appear as ordinary, 'normal' people) - but also because it's just a very risky route to be going...

If you're in the market, there are better - safer ways to try...

Trinity said...

Dreamlife, I'm all ears as to this 'safer option'. The family connections has been exhausted. I go from home to work, to home again. And the times I do go out its with family. So any advice, I'm more than happy to take!

Azra S. said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Thats all I have to say about that.

Dreamlife said...

OK - well the first and foremost thing should always be asking the One who is in control of everything. Sincere dua, combined with striving to please Allah, is the best thing you could do - because it helps build a strong relationship with Him; which is obviously a major objective for any Muslim - and would be majorly beneficial once you are married (insha-Allah).

From my own experience, the chatting thing never ended in any real prospects; and it was only when I actually did things the RIGHT way (or as close to the right way as I thought, at the time) - that I actually succeeded.

You see - the thing is, this whole period of wanting it, but not getting it, can really be seen as a blessing - and an opportunity for an individual to work on themselves so that when Mr or Mrs Right comes along, you'll be in a much better position to be a successful wife / husband.

Forgive my self-referencing here, but when it comes to advising people on the subject, I often refer them to two poems which I wrote - based on my own journey of trying to find that special someone (a journey which took nearly 6 years):

A few months before marriage - when I had no idea I was about to meet my soulmate - I wrote:

http://dreamlife.wordpress.com/2007/04/20/for-the-single-people-out-there/

ANd then, when I had met her, and marriage seemed imminent, I wrote:

http://dreamlife.wordpress.com/2007/09/18/dedication/


I hope those 2 pieces can help in some way - if not practically, then at least as comforts - to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel; and the tunnel is actually a very important part of the whole deal.

I read your "Dear Future Husband" post (from August this year, I think) - and it's sweet; and I really, really, really hope that he's on his way soon.

And when it does happen, insha-Allah, i hope it's your dream come true.

My wife - in her days of writing and intense self-reflection - wrote the same kind of letters to her future husband; and after we got married, I got to read those letters. ANd reading them (as well as her other writings from back then) just made me love her more.

So, keep writing to him; because insha-Allah one day, when he reads them, they'll increase his love for you even more :)



OK - as for 'safer options' - we now move on to the practical part.

For me, the main guideline is to do things as Islamically as you can. Through that, Allah puts barakah in your search.

My own experience was that when i was doing it the wrong way, i was ending up on a wild goose chase; often on an emotional rollercoaster; and getting hurt and depressed more often than any positive moments.

So - that's point 1: do it the right way.

If family connections aren't bringing up anything good; use other networks - friends, colleagues, etc.

And finally (I sound like a newsreader ;) - if all else fails - consider a reputable matchmaker type person; or one of those marriage websites (but the latter only if you're going to be really careful - because there are many good, sincere people searching on those sites - but also some bad apples who you want to avoid).

All the best to you, and may the rest of your journey to marriage be as beneficial as possible.

Dreamlife said...

OK - well the first and foremost thing should always be asking the One who is in control of everything. Sincere dua, combined with striving to please Allah, is the best thing you could do - because it helps build a strong relationship with Him; which is obviously a major objective for any Muslim - and would be majorly beneficial once you are married (insha-Allah).

From my own experience, the chatting thing never ended in any real prospects; and it was only when I actually did things the RIGHT way (or as close to the right way as I thought, at the time) - that I actually succeeded.

You see - the thing is, this whole period of wanting it, but not getting it, can really be seen as a blessing - and an opportunity for an individual to work on themselves so that when Mr or Mrs Right comes along, you'll be in a much better position to be a successful wife / husband.

Forgive my self-referencing here, but when it comes to advising people on the subject, I often refer them to two poems which I wrote - based on my own journey of trying to find that special someone (a journey which took nearly 6 years):

A few months before marriage - when I had no idea I was about to meet my soulmate - I wrote:

http://dreamlife.wordpress.com/2007/04/20/for-the-single-people-out-there/

ANd then, when I had met her, and marriage seemed imminent, I wrote:

http://dreamlife.wordpress.com/2007/09/18/dedication/

Dreamlife said...

I hope those 2 pieces can help in some way - if not practically, then at least as comforts - to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel; and the tunnel is actually a very important part of the whole deal.

I read your "Dear Future Husband" post (from August this year, I think) - and it's sweet; and I really, really, really hope that he's on his way soon.

And when it does happen, insha-Allah, i hope it's your dream come true.

My wife - in her days of writing and intense self-reflection - wrote the same kind of letters to her future husband; and after we got married, I got to read those letters. ANd reading them (as well as her other writings from back then) just made me love her more.

So, keep writing to him; because insha-Allah one day, when he reads them, they'll increase his love for you even more :)



OK - as for 'safer options' - we now move on to the practical part.

For me, the main guideline is to do things as Islamically as you can. Through that, Allah puts barakah in your search.

My own experience was that when i was doing it the wrong way, i was ending up on a wild goose chase; often on an emotional rollercoaster; and getting hurt and depressed more often than any positive moments.

So - that's point 1: do it the right way.

If family connections aren't bringing up anything good; use other networks - friends, colleagues, etc.

And finally (I sound like a newsreader ;) - if all else fails - consider a reputable matchmaker type person; or one of those marriage websites (but the latter only if you're going to be really careful - because there are many good, sincere people searching on those sites - but also some bad apples who you want to avoid).

All the best to you, and may the rest of your journey to marriage be as beneficial as possible.

Trinity said...

Thanks dreamlife. I needed that. And hopefully if I'm at depression's door, I'll read this and be inspired again.

I find that your head knows what your heart will not listen to. It helps when people around you make you listen.