I thought I saw you today. Driving in the car behind me. I tried to look again, but stopped myself. It is Ramadaan after all right? I'm not suppose to be looking.
But I miss you. I miss you? How can you miss something that you've never had? But I do.
I am excited...impatient almost, waiting for you. I am excited about the life that we would have together. The hours we would spend talking, and laughing and getting to know each other. I can't wait to get to know the real you, the one that hides behind that smile of yours. I've never seen you smile, but I'm sure its a beautiful one. I'm even excited about the fights that we will have. Because I know that from those fights, you and I will just grow as people and grow stronger together. I can't wait for the Eids that we will spend together, and the family functions and for the aunties that will ask us, 'so when are the babies coming?'. I can't wait to smell your after shave and wear your shirts and just wake up next to you. To travel the world with you.
I always thought you would present yourself to me in a huge wooden box with a big pink bow. Jump out and say 'Allah has sent me'. You laughing now, but its true. I ALWAYS believed that. Then someone told me it was not going to happen like that so I looked for you. I've been really looking for you this year. Maybe not to the best of my abilities, but I'm out there. And every time I think I see you walking pass me, or in the shopping mall or on the streets. I look again, and you've disappeared into this other man, with a wife and kids.
I met someone who I thought was JUST like you. I thought he had the same eyes as you and the same witty humour. The way he moved and spoke, and the way he looked at me. I thought it was you. But it wasn't. I'm worried that I'm getting too old for you, that my body is not what it looked like when I was 18. Day by day, my ass gets a little bigger, my boobs droop just a little bit more and I wonder...will you be okay with that? Day by day, I get just a little bit more set in my ways, I get a little bit more harder, more independent. And I wonder, will we be able to survive that?
But no matter what, I still believe. That Allah (SWT) will send you to me when he wills it. I just wish it would be sooner rather than later. I'm done looking for you...its your turn now...you need to come and find me okay? So get done already!
I know everything happens only in its given time, but this letter is just a small reminder, that I'm sill here, and I still believe.
I can't wait!!!
All My Future Love