I never really accepted this about myself, but I guess that’s what happens when you get older. You accept things.
My aunt wanted to give me a graduation party. My mother said no. Then she asked for a birthday party. My mom said no...again. I’m thinking... “Ego crusher!” at my mom. But I get why she didn’t want to. Giving a party to people who don’t really understand would be like feeding the already fed. They just don’t give a shit. Not that they don’t want to. It’s just they can’t.
I barely made it through high school. I passed all my subjects except English and Afrikaans with E’s. I passed with an exemption only by the grace and will of The Almighty. Then I needed to get into university, which I did not apply for. When they calculated my scores I was 9 and a half. A half short to do the most basic degree. But they were running a bridging course that year. So there was chance I could get it. My mother sat with me the whole day at the Faculty to see the Dean, whatever his reasoning (in my opinion divine intervention) he agreed to let me do the degree...and NOT the bridging course which I thought he would agree on which saved my parents a year of fees.
I struggled at University at first...failed three subjects BOTH semesters. But then again I wrote all my subjects exams in three days. I qualified for subs. Passed all besides one module of one subject in my first year. I never had money or cool clothes. So being in the social scene of varsity life was limited. The next couple of years I spent waking up at the crack of dawn and getting home in darkness. I lived on photo copies and R5 chips during the day. And this was my In-love-with-the-midget days. So I spent my time, day dreaming of things that could have been and things that never will be instead of studying as I should have.
And Yet....
I loved University. All the subjects I took, especially Anthropology helped me to see the world and my place in it differently. I was able to work out a lot of issues through the study of society and culture in a way I don’t think any therapist could have helped me. I finished my degree in three years despite being an average and sometimes below average student. In my final year my marks were good enough to be accepted for Honours, which I graduated with two A’s & three B’s. And today I have my Masters in Anthropology. My paper was not an amazing study that changed the world. But when I entered my paper in that plagiarism programme and it came out with a 99% pass rate (which means that only one percent of my paper was not referenced properly) it could have been, that’s how proud I was of it.
I really wish someone had told me this, so to all the average and poor pupils out there - just because you did crappy in school, does not mean your life is over!!! Research actually shows that there is no correlations between school marks and university success.
For the longest time I never believed that anything I did was ever worth anything. But at that moment I realised, that I actually learned something. When I went back to tutoring first years, and I heard myself speak and I realised that I actually did learn something from my masters. It was a really good feeling having people say congratulations...and ‘wow, that’s so cool’. And my ego really wanted to be able to stand in a room full of people and have those complements said to my face.
The truth is that the people would not truly understand the hard work and sacrifices I had to go through for the past seven years to actually reach that point. They wouldn’t really understand the roller coaster ride 25 was, in wishing me Happy Birthday now that I’m 26. Though I enjoy the messages anyway.
But I can.
So no party for me. I will rather write this post. Eat cake tonight, and enjoy the fact that life takes you where your imagination wont. I’ll enjoy my success and then put it away, because you cannot live by what you have done...only what you are doing. And its only through the grace and will of the Almighty that I am able to do anything.
**I do think it’s kind of weird people giving you presents on your birthday...it’s like...your alive so here’s a gift. Really I should give my parent’s gifts...thanks for not drowning me when I was a baby kinda gift. **
