2013 - The year that should never have been

I can't believe this year is already almost over. And for a year that according to the Mayans should not have been! It has been quit interesting. Well they never actually said it was going to end just that there was going to be great change.

For me, while some things have changed others stay exactly the same. But that's life innit? 

So what have I learned this year? 

Most recently I learned that I like blogging more than twitter. Helloooo blogger app *salute* (first time I used blogger on my Ipad, and while uploading it is so easy typing it up is not).

Love, while it does not solve, save or change things, it does make everything better. 

I take for granted that people think critically. Because I do, I think critical thinking is only natural. That is not the case. Most people take things at face value and really don't care about the rest. Therefore me commenting on statuses etc, is futile. I will not be doing that again. 

I learned that the problem is not the world, its me. I recently met many different types of people, and things like : being "fat" "lonely" "unable to meet the right person" is not an age thing, or circumstance, it's a me thing. I need to change if I want to change any of those things. Because if I don't I will find myself in a different sphere of life, still singing the same unhappy tune. 

The past should stay in the past. 

Life, especially today, is not about choosing between good and evil, but the lesser of two evils. Sad but true. 

There is a big difference between growing up without your parent and growing up with a parent that disappoints you.
 

People are not open about the need for therapy. They try and hide it, as if it's shameful. It is not! 

I have been wrestling with the idea that maybe I just took my parents divorce too hard, and other people don't. Then I realized, no that is not it, I'm just more vocal about it. 

I feel too much. Maybe it's my pieces nature, but my feelings were on 100% when it shouldn't have been. I have other senses and I should use those too. 

I realised that while my upbringing was to be logical, my nature is a romantic one. I love, love and romance and I have to get my fix somewhere so if it's not in real life (which it hasn't) I get it from fiction. (My new years resolution is to stop buying cheap smutty romance novels or downloading them for free).

There are somethings I will never be able to change and that is OK. 

There is more to Islam than Rights (of men and women). There is an unseen force that allows one to be connected to a higher power. This is a highly spiritual event and something many people forget when they speak about Islam! They forget that it is much more than rules and regulations and what you owe your husband or wife or children. Islam is about the calling to your heart. What inspires and feeds your soul. Because a soul that is full and whole doesn't need rules and regulation, they will automatically do the right thing.  I choose to focus on the calling to my heart and soul. I choose to focus on what I have rather than what I don't. 

It has dawned on me, that some things that I was convinced was meant to be, actually isn't and never will, be. 

All is as it should be so why worry about what's going to be right? 

I hope who ever reads this has a wonderful holiday season. Be safe. Be happy. 2014 - Bring it! 

2010...did you feel it?

I have never worked over the December holidays...it’s so weird. Tomorrow is going to be 2011 and on Monday I’m back at work. Doesn’t suck as much as I thought it would.
So here’s some stuff about 2010 that I always wanted to say, but never had the time or chance:

The Last Airbender

I’m actually surprised at how many people didn’t like this movie. The truth is that if you didn’t do or like Martial Arts at one point in your life, you probably won’t understand this movie or like it. I really didn’t like their accents in the movie, and that brown girl with the blond hair just didn’t do it for me. The star of this movie was the Martial Arts. The Kata’s was excellent. It actually reminded me of Bruce Lee and his thoughts and philosophies about Kata. If you have time, you can see some of his interviews on youtube.

Batman Begins


I finally watched both movies. I watched Dark Knight first, then Begins and I finally realised what all the hoopla was about. Batman was always my least favourite hero. A spoilt rich dude that has an obsession and fascination with bats really didn’t appeal to me. But the explanation and interpretation that these movies presented of that whole world was excellent!

Everyone said they liked the second one better. And that Katie Holmes was crap. I’m not a fan of Katie, but I actually think she did a MUCH better job than Maggie Gyllenhaal. I like her but she really didn’t fit into Dark Knight. And *shock* I actually liked Begins more than DK. The only other thing that irritated me was the long drawn out car chase scene. Both movies dragged it on waaayyyy too long and what was worse was that it really had no point to it. If it added to the story, I’m all for it. But in the words of my Supervisor: if it has no purpose then kill it.
Can’t wait for the next one...really hope Cat Women is in it!

And this is what I have learned in 2010:

Life is strange. Sometimes a lot of things can happen in your life, but nothing actually changes. And other times nothing happens at all, and when you look again your life is different.

This year was all about Love. Looking for it. Finding it. Realising it’s not real. Missing it. Wanting it. And Letting it go.


I always believed that, when it was my time to get married I would. And everyone would say...you must put yourself “out there”. I did realise that I never did. When boys would approach me I would immediately shut down. I can handle liking guys, but its them liking me back or first (which was not very often) that I had to learn to deal with.

I’ve learned that the biggest problem today is that people live too much in fictional worlds. Whether it is in a book, movie, comic, play station or cyber space. People don’t know how to connect anymore. What we want to connect to is our dreams, our view of perfection. We have lost the ability or guts to connect with each other on a real level.

I’ve learned that you can go home again. But it will never be the same. I was lucky that I was able to re-live my youth in a way. I really enjoyed it, and without it I don’t think I would have survived this year. But the truth is that what’s done is done. Now that I think about it I didn’t really re-live my youth but was witness to what my life would have been like, had I participated in my youth, as appose to waiting for it to end.

I’ve learned that the past has this ability to freeze us in a vortex of pain and suffering with no real purpose behind it. The past is over. You can’t change it. And in some cases you can’t learn from it. No good come from re-living it. There are times, when you have to just forget that the past ever happened. It is sad to see how many people are victims of their own torture by holding onto the past. I had to learn that there are some moments I will never get back. Life will never move forward if we always looking back.

I’ve learned that finding someone (whether it is a friend or partner) that see’s you for who you are and not what you represent in society or the world and accepts you for this and loves you regardless is very rare.

I’ve learned that some people don’t get happy endings. Some people don’t marry the person that they love or don't get married at all. And that’s okay.

I’ve learned that Love is there to make us look beyond the perfect image we have in our minds. To force us in marrying the person we were meant to. Even though it won’t last forever....love has its uses.

I’ve confirmed that girls that go on dates want to know two things: 1) Can I see that on top of me? 2) Will he be able to look after me financially. This means gents...that if you don’t look after you and if you’re stingy on the date...don’t turn around and say that she is shallow or greedy. Would you eat a steak that is covered in fat? That was lying on the floor? That is undercooked? Overcooked? Or smells nasty? A women needs to ensure that what goes inside her is quality. You looking at a girl thinking all sorts of nasty things don’t kid yourself in thinking that she is not thinking the exact same. A women needs to make sure that the man is going to work hard to look after his family and not expect her to work so that she can pay for mags on his car.

We try and justify why we feel the way we do. We very rare take the moment to realise that we feel. And most times there is no deeper meaning. It just is.

Sometimes love and even the lack of it, is our test. It is not for us to complain about it. Just to get through it.

I have realised that I use too comma’s and write in too long sentences. I always knew that I can’t spell for shit, which makes me very nervous about blogging. So I’ve decided that I’m going to put up a disclaimer. Because this blog is about expressing my feelings, not learning how to become a better writer.

I have tried to be more girly, more open, more ‘nicer’. And really it didn’t help me at all. So for 2011...the Bitch is Back. With upgrades though....I’ll be just a little nicer about being a bitch. I’m sorry for the innocent bystanders but hey, that’s life.

Here’s to 2011...ba-ring it!